a picture tour of my life this week

this is the canal in downtown richmond. it was a pretty walk but not what i had expected at all. the book that told me about the canal gave me the idea that it was more of a tourist attraction with little stores and opportunities for buying ice cream and less of a... well... canal. i'd like to go back some time when i was more prepared for walking around a canal and less thinking i was going to disneyland.

this is what i call the black tongue. it looks even crazier in real life. how do you get the black tongue? by eating chewable pepto bismol. why do i eat chewable pepto bismol? b/c stress gives me heart burn. thanks a lot stupid job. work is going well but i get stressed and have the black tongue most days.

some times i pretend to be a flight attendant in my free time. this is 'pre-wanting-to-punch-a-teenager.' anne is wearing the purple sweater and arianne is on my right. one time at my work people thought arianne was my sister and when we said no my coworkers called us liars. i do suppose any combination of the three of us could be thought to be related.

these are some guys who like to pretend to work for tsa... or maybe the mob (except the happy one).

this is the hat i got for free at the baseball game in baltimore with jon. it was probably the most boring baseball game i've ever watched. the best part was when the hotdogs raced. mustard won. and oh yeah the nationals did too. i think jon's dad might be a secret agent. also, i think jon may have been in fight club. i'm just sayin'.

bring it, what?!

i wrote this. it's called d&b beastie rap, and works best with 2 or 3 people. it's done in the styling of the beastie boys with the front man saying the words and the guys in the back shouting the rhymes. i dreamed this so you know it's awesome. it's done to a snap, snap, clap beat. here ya go:

I'm Elaina D and I'm here to SAY
Come to Dave & Buster's to eat drink and PLAY
We're a restaurant arcade and BAR
located in Short Pump, that's not very FAR
We open for dinner, happy hour and LUNCH
you will love us I have a HUNCH
The servers are friendly, bartenders are CUTE
I not only rap, I plan the parties to BOOT
We do meetings, team building and MORE
Your next party will not be a BORE
Holiday parties happen once a YEAR
We do that too so have no FEAR
So come one down don't be HESITATIN'
At Dave & Buster's we'll be WAITIN'

ding don't

what i love about life is that every day is a new and exciting adventure. yesterday at work i was in my office with the general manager, our amusements manager and ann and we we're talking about spaghetti-o's and i said that spaghetti-o's make me want a ding dong. my gm said what's a ding dong? and i said it's the hostess snack cake that looks like a hockey puck and comes wrapped in aluminum foil. and the amusements manager said no, that's a cupcake. and i said no a cupcake has the white curly-q of frosting on the top. and she said no a ding dong is the long yellow one. and i said NO that is a TWINKIE... raise your hand if you grew up next to the hostess factory!!! (i didn't feel like mentioning that ding dongs were just about the only thing i ate for all of seventh grade). she seemed unconvinced so at that point i decided to pull out the last card i had... google. so we surfed over to google images where i entered "ding dongs" and came out with like a cartoon drawing of a ding dong man with a baton who generally looked like what i had described if what i had described had suddenly become the leader of a band. to further illustrate my point i entered in "twinkie" where we saw a picture of what she had been describing and she was convinced. at this point ann says well then whats a hoho? so typed in "ho ho" and google said excuse me do you mean "hoho" and i said yes and we got to see a picture of a hoho. and so i thought maybe i should have typed "dingdong" and what should pop on the screen that ann, the amusements manager, the general manager and i were all staring it at but... naked asian men. ASIAN PORN. i screamed and closed the browser immediately as everyone bust out laughing (mostly at the fact that i had instantly turned red... and not just my face but all of me was completely red) and i made them all swear that if IT tried to fire me they were my witnesses that i was just trying to look at snack cakes. the moral of the story is never search google images for "dingdong" (unless you're into that) and also i have an absurd amount of knowledge regarding the hostess snack cake line (because i'm into that).

yesterday i was leaving a business seminar and i got lost (but not really lost b/c the gps was telling me where to go but it wasn't a normal way b/c i turned the wrong way even though i have a gps) and i came though on the most wonderful road i've ever seen. the trees created a tunnel around the road and i just wanted to be there forever. it's the little things.

i'm feeling really good lately.

tomorrow i'm having dinner with a friend at nacho mama's. NACHO MAMA'S. i've never been there before but i love it based solely on the name. they could serve me a microwaved tortilla with a kraft single on it and i would still love it.

all the boys think she's a spy

so it turns out that the hula hoop is a lot more difficult than i remember. it is helpful for keeping sylvie running in a small space. take that, hamster!

so my mom told me she ran into michael "cool" rhodes at a farmer's market last weekend. at this point you may be asking yourself, 'who is this michael "cool" rhodes?' is he someone who sells shaved ice at farmer's markets? maybe an old friend from the glory days? a fictional character elaina created to blame her problems on? nope, nope and NOPE! he just happens to be the magician who rented a room in our house while i was in high school. note to self of the past: never tell people at high school that a magician lives in your house.

today i want to a workshop taught by Jim Roman. Jim Roman Jim Roman Jim Roman. he taught me how to 'run your business without it running you.' i also heard him speak last week. and i'm going to hear him speak tomorrow. i'm a Jim Roman groupie. he says that a person is the average of their friends. "so if you hang out with a bunch of losers, you're probably an average loser." i almost fell out my chair. i was by far the youngest person there by a good 20 years and he just called this room of grown ups losers. you don't get to see that every day. at chamber events. when i grow up i want to be Jim Roman.

when i was 5 i wanted to be a ballerina. one day i took my homework to kindergarten on ballerina paper. and the teacher said do you like ballerinas? and i said yes i want to be one when i grow up. and she said do you take ballet lessons? and i said no. and my dream of being a ballerina DIED. way to kill dreams kindergarten! kindergarten will not, however, stop me from becoming Jim Roman. another time in kindergarten my teacher said i worked too fast. no one complains about my fastness now! sucka!

yesterday i wore my glasses to work and was harassed endlessly. glasses apparently send the message 'say whatever you want to me b/c i'm too big of a nerd to do anything about it.' and it's true. ::sigh::

it's big, it's heavy, it's... wood?

ren and stimpy was such a horrific cartoon. i don't know why we ever watched it. if i ever get ren and stimpy flashbacks they're never good. it's generally involving whizzing on electric fences or pink eye or something young children shouldn't be watching.

saturday i went to walmart to buy a mop so i could clean my floors finally. after i went to walmart i went to the pizza place (goodness knows i wasn't about to clean AND cook on the same day). anyway, i'm sitting there waiting for my pizza and the delivery guy shouts from behind the counter "you were just at walmart!" and i didn't say anything but i was thinking 'am i supposed to say something?' and then he says "yes you were, you bought a mop!" and i said 'yeah and now i have to clean my floors.' and then he explained to me how he's not a stalker but really who is going to believe that after a random man tells them where they have been and what they bought there.

saturday i had three netflix arrive. it was very exciting. however, i don't know what i was thinking when i lined up my movies last week. the movies i got were:

henry poole is here - guy finds out he has 6 weeks left to live and decides to binge on booze and twinkies until his new neighbors intervene

ghost town - after technically dying on the operating table man can see and communicate with ghosts and is given a second chance at life

the bucket list - two men who have cancer find out the only have a short time to live and decide to live life to the fullest before they die

sensing a theme here? i totally didn't realize it but i must have been having a morbid moment. or maybe my subconscious is sending me a get a grip on your life message. ha. at any rate i got a good laugh after i opened the netflix envelopes. maybe it's because of my fear of a brain tumor. who knows.

a few random thoughts:

1. in case you ever think to ask yourself 'is elaina socially retarded?' the answer is yes, yes she is.
2. i am eating a chocolate puddin' cup. be jealous.
3. if anyone ever randomly offers you a carrot, say no. it will only lead to shenanigans.

i was going to go into work saturday to get caught up on some admin stuff (paper work, data entry, all the fun stuff) but i woke up saturday and i said to myself 'self, you are being ridiculous! stay in bed until noon. do not be a workaholic!' and so i did. the good news is i will definitely have plenty of work to keep me busy all week. YAY!

here is something i don't understand. i've noticed it a lot since i moved out here. i don't know if it's an 'east coast thang' or maybe it's a new trend for '09 or maybe it's b/c a lot of the people i meet here have recently moved here from some where else... anyway i've noticed a lot of guys have what they call "quasi-girlfriends." i'm unsure if it's b/c they are only partially human or partially committed. i don't know. my whole thing about this is, dude if she's only a quasi cut her loose. in relationships, i think you're either in or you're out. you can't be kind of some one's boyfriend, just like you can't be kind of pregnant or kind of in jail or kind of dead. those should be yes or no in my book. additionally, she's a big girl and she's better off without some guy stringing her a long. to use a 'ewing-ism', i "need to be enlightened" as to why anyone agrees to this. do these women know they are quasis? is quasi the pc term for friends with benefits? as someone who thinks she could possibly have been referred to as a quasi in the past it would have been so much better to have been told 'see ya later' and moved on.

my other thought is this is a ploy... a way to say 'women are into me, i could have one if i wanted or i could not have one if i wanted.' this reminds me of high school. at one point laurel and i decided that this very line of thinking was indeed the best way to catch a man (or, really, a boy). anyway, we didn't want to go around saying we had quasi boyfriends b/c when you're in high school people know your business and if you randomly start saying you have a boyfriend people are going to ask questions and know you're a liar (and there's nothing worse than admitting you have an imaginary boyfriend). no, we decided the best way to get guys to think we hung out with other guys and therefore were wanted by guys was to... smell like guys. and so we started wearing her brother's cologne. i don't particularly remember whatever became of that. i don't think it lasted very long but i know for sure it didn't work. oh the kooky hi jinx of high schoolers. the moral of the story is that elaborate traps rarely work (please note: i didn't say never... though they've yet to work for me... after all i'm going for a man, not a rabbit).

if anyone has an ideas for things that are good to do with a wheat thin please let me know. so far my ideas are:
1. sliced cheddar cheese on top
2. dipped in strawberry yogurt
3. with a diet coke
4. with pizza sauce, grated cheese and microwaved (though this seems a little labor intensive with small pay out ie low roi)

i am DYING to go to a baseball game. DYING. if anyone wants to go please let me know.

angry chocolate face

Felicity's 2nd Birthday Party! Wish I could have been there!

slowly i turn

i love that episode of i love lucy with the slowly i turn bit in it... the one where she gets sprayed in the face with water. i also like the one where she sets her nose on fire. and when she has to eat her cheese baby.

today is my dad's birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD! my favorite dad gives business advice story: when i was probably about 13 my dad told me to never fire anyone at lunch b/c then people will be afraid to go to lunch with you.

i wonder if it is better to fire someone on a monday or friday. maybe split the difference and go for wednesday?

last night i went for a bike ride. i went just as the sun was starting to set (that's about 9 PM here... weird, isn't it?). as i rode around i saw fireflies around the trees. that's a very special treat, i think. we don't have those in ca. fireflies aren't as magical as the red tide in ca but it's probably second place. i guess i just enjoy things in nature that glow. anyway, as i would see them light up i thought to myself 'this is like being in love.' i have absolutely NO IDEA what that even means but i thought it and now i'm sharing it with you.

tonight i miss dan. i wish i had someone to go get ice cream with me. dear dan, i miss you. please come visit soon. love always, elaina.

today at work i was given an indian burn. what has this world come to? he was trying to illustrate how he intimdates people... and left a red mark on my arm for about an hour. i was so shocked when it happened that i didn't say anything, i just walked away. in other work news, my boss almost made me puke today. i had to get up and run out of the office and out the back door of the building. and of course he followed me saying 'where are you going?' and i had to come back and be like listen you make me want to vomit! it really wasn't his fault... i just have a very, very sensitive gag reflex. in order to stop myself from vomiting i have a little mantra & visualization trick i use. i say to myself "puppies and rainbows, puppies and rainbows" and picture cute little puppies running around underneath a rainbow. and it works. clears the mind. it's hard to vomit while picturing a puppy running under a rainbow... unless super cuteness makes you want to puke.

today i was on a conference call with the sales manager from north carolina and one of our corporate people. the lady from nc asked me how things are in richmond and i said "IT RAINS A LOT HERE." i don't know why that is always the first thing that pops out my mouth when ever someone asks about how things are going here.
how are things going in richmond? IT RAINS A LOT HERE.
how do you like richmond? IT RAINS A LOT HERE.
are you adjusting to life on the eat coast? IT RAINS A LOT HERE.
do you miss your family? IT RAINS A LOT HERE.
want to go out for dinner? IT RAINS A LOT HERE.
and people always say 'it doesn't normally rain this much.' but really i think normally they don't have someone pointing it out so much. even if it's just a dewy wind in the morning i make sure everyone i see that entire day is informed that IT RAINS A LOT HERE. i also make sure that they know IT'S NOT LIKE THAT IN CALIFORNIA. i find myself saying that a lot. i like to tell everybody here about the way we do things in ca. i'm sure it's super annoying about i can't make myself stop. eat, breath, talk about the way we do things in california, sleep.

the other day i had someone grill me about why i call the parking structure a parking structure. i guess out here it is only acceptable to say "parking deck" or "parking garage." if you say parking structure suddenly people will have no clue what you're talking about. which is odd b/c if i was in ca and someone said "it's free to park in the parking deck / garage" i would understand what they meant. i wouldn't feel the need to explain that both decks and garages are things that are attached to houses and there isn't one located next to the building but that it was ok b/c i already parked for free in the parking structure.

a follower

so i have my first official follower. thanks amber! YAY! i'm not totally sure what a follower is but i'm excited to have one.

anyway. here are some things i've been thinking about:

if someone asked me for words to describe myself single would not be in the top ten i would think of. i actually don't think it would be one of the words i would think of at all. single just isn't some thing that i think of me as being... it's not who i am. i was just thinking about that tonight b/c someone had said something about being a single person like that is one is their defining characteristics and i just thought hmm i guess i'm not in that group.

i've been exhausted lately. i'm not sure what my problem is. i just constantly feel like i could fall asleep at any moment. i don't know if it's the unkickable cold, all the work, the stress, the fact that all i do is sit and eat d&b food, i'm not dancing any more... all of the above. i think i must be going through a depressed phase or something. need more sunshine, less rain. virginia.

i can't wait until lauren comes to visit. i think it will help to have a familiar face for a bit. oh and if annie comes out to visit it would be brilliant.

today a manager at work was talking to me and i wasn't paying all that much attention. he had come up to me two different times and asked me things and i had told him the answers and then he came up to me a third time and was like what is wrong with you? you've only said like two words and i was just like i don't know i guess i'm tired and he was just like what? what's wrong with you. and i kind of said meh and walked away. i nearly started to cry though. i don't even know why. i wasn't sad before he started talking to me and like 5 minutes later i was fine again, but for whatever reason the moment just made me want to cry buckets. some times i wonder what's going on in my brain when i'm not paying attention.

so today i got an email saying i needed to go to a webinar for some training. on something i'm already totally trained on. it was just so absurd to me. that my first piece of manager training i've been offered is on something i'm already excellent at doing. at first i thought well you know at least they're trying. and then i thought no, they should've asked me what i need training on instead of wasting valuable tools and resources. it just was one of the moments when i think to myself 'gee corporate is out of touch with what is going on here.' i know they're trying. i know they think they're helping. but some days i would just like to shake them and say hey how about you come run this office while i go on vacation for a week. it is frustrating to be asked to do things beyond my skill level with no direction, to be asked to run the office alone, to get a million things done and just feel like no one understands what i'm trying to do. it's frustrating. frustrating is only the beginning of the words i like to use to describe the emotions i feel regarding corporate. one day i would love to mail my cocktail napkin with my outlined speech about how i'm a straight shooter who doesn't blow smoke to corporate. ::hahaha::

today i hit the 60k mark for the gl. :) when i get that bonus check i'm totally splurging at godiva.

as a final note i'm really not as sad as i might sound. ::hahaha:: just venting. if you've ever worked with me you know how i get on mondays. i'm fine.

several things.

first, i bought sylvie a new wheel today. she never used the old one and i thought it might have been b/c it was too difficult to get it to spin. and i was right. she hasn't stopped running in about 4 hours now. she's on a hamster marathon. i understand now why people think it would be a good idea to use a hamster to power things. they are little work horses. work hamsters.

the other day at work we were talking about that guy who won 232 million in the lotto. james was saying that if that happened to him he would still work but not at d&b. he said he'd get a job at a hardware store and work from 12-4 like 3 days a week. ann said she'd stop going to her job and do charity work. i said i would definitely not sell power cards. but i wouldn't get a job and wouldn't just do charity work either (not that charity work isn't great... i just have some other plans)

so i've been thinking of a list of things i would do if i had a seemingly endless supply o' cash.

first of course i would give 2 million to each person in my immediate family. 2 million would also go to laurel, lauren, diane, abby & dan. wouldn't it be nice to have $2 million guys?! at first i thought i'd give you each $1 million but then i figured ahh what the heck you people are worth twice that much!

i would pay the rent in my apartment for the next year.

i would buy a hunter green range rover.

and then i would set about the world learning all the things i've always wanted to learn.

i'd learn how to cook in italy. i'd learn to bake. i would not learn how to decorate cakes, that's for sure. i don't want to know how to do that.

i would learn to sculpt and draw and paint.

i would take more ballroom dancing lessons.

i would go back to school and get a degree in poli sci.

i would be one of those rich people they send to outer space.

i would join the peace corps.

i'd open a bed and breakfast.

and a smooth store some where tropical that doesn't need a smoothie store.

i would learn to play the guitar.

and the piano.

i would get a pet monkey. a little one. not the kind that can tear you apart.

i would go in a hot air balloon. and a submarine.

i would buy a cotton candy machine to keep in my living room.

i'd sponsor like 100 kids on the children's network... you know the one where the send you a picture of some poor child wearing crazy clothes. yeah i'd buy like an entire village!

i would learn about outer space. go to some mountain where they have one of those telescopes and just learn everything i can about the universe.

i would go to every national park in california.

i would learn to take fabulous photos. i will not learn to develop my own photos. i will have people for that.

i would attend sporting events all the time. and enjoy it.

i'm sure there are other things but that's what i can think of for right now.

i've decided to take a pottery class at community art center. you learn how to make things on the spinning pottery wheel thingy. classes begin in july. i'm really very excited. i think it will help me with my brain. tomorrow morning i have a chamber meeting and we will be learning about enjoying the arts in richmond. i'm very excited to learn these things. i also picked up supplies today to work on painting again.

some days i wonder if i am actually losing my mind. any time i'm at work and i'm not in my office i walk around talking to myself so that i don't forget all the important things i have to do when i get back to my office. lately i've been learning that some times i have to say i'm done for the day and turn off a piece of my mind. i'm still working on it. on the whole you can't control everything part of life.

i would like to take a moment to have a little party for myself. right now for this month i have over $55k on the books. i will probably finish at close to $70k. my budget was $20k. tulsa is at about $19k. i'm pretty impressed with it. ::hahaha:: my biggest wish in this world is that troy would call and say 'thanks for your hard work' but that will never happen. sadly, i'm the kind of person that is motivated by someone saying 'good job' but that doesn't happen much. why? i don't know.

i'm looking forward to the weekend. i'm looking forward to resting. to enjoying some time alone. that's another reason why i fear i may be losing my mind. i have no desire to go out and be around people. and i don't really like people. i think i just need some time away.

omk made me eat lunch at the bar the other day. he said 'you promised.' he's getting annoying already. ::sigh:: i brought a pad of paper with me so that i could write down all of my ideas of things i could do for marketing our murder mystery show... and not waste the time while i ate lunch. i've definitely lost my mind.

poppins

i love to watch mary poppins... not just a little bit but a lot. i probably watch it about 6 times a month. what i love about mary poppins is that she is very good at her job but she doesn't take it or herself seriously. i also love how that movie is full of great one liners. the whole thing is just hilarious. plus i LOVE dick van dyke.

"i want to make one thing perfectly clear... i never explain anything."

goooooOOOOOOOooooOOOOOooooooooal!

soccer game.

omg.

i am so sunburned on my forehead. it is ridiculous. i didn't even realized it had happened. i walked back into work tonight and this guy goes WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?! and i was just like uhmm i don't know what you mean and i walked away. and then james saw me and was like HOLY SUNBURN! and i was just like what? am i really sunburned? and so i go into my office and look in the mirror and... WHAT THE?!? It's just my forehead and nose and it is beyond pink. i will take a picture...

ok so the redness on my nose... my forehead is that color too even though you can't tell in the picture. my forehead is actually more red than my nose. th soccer game... the children. every where. every moment. for hours. if you know me, you know how i feel about children who aren't related to me or my close friends. lets just say the feelings aren't positive. and i am now feeling confirmed in feeling more not positive feelings about children of strangers. that's enough about feelings for a week or so. anyway. i would love to see a kickers game some time when i wasn't working and when i could throw things at children without fear of someone calling the corporate office on me.

the good news about the soccer game: it didn't rain.

cold war

so i have a cold. fabulous timing. actually, is there ever a good time for a cold? does anyone ever say 'gee i wish i could get a cold this week... i would love to not be able to breath comfortably today.' i'm pretty sure it was caused by a few factors: 1. the dramatically changing weather we have every day here. 2. the fact that i got caught in a downpour and had to sit in a restaurant soaking wet 3. i work too much and am constantly stressed out 4. i'm sure i was at some point exposed to some other person carrying this sickness and they passed it along to me.

it didn't help that i had to be at a networking event at 7 this morning. i wanted to die the entire time i was there. and tomorrow i have a booth at soccer game. most likely it will be raining. so i will be standing outside in the rain... with a cold... wishing i could die... for nine hours. lets hope that either it is a nice temperature outside and my cold clears up in the night or it rains heavily and my boss has mercy on me and says forget it. he let me leave early today (meaning at 5 PM instead of staying until 9 PM so it was only a 10 hour day instead of 14) even though we had the big party that i've been saying i would stay for since before we opened. i think mostly i looked like death and he didn't want the party host to see me or think i had been any where near the food. totally understandable. ann (the lady who i share an office with) tells me i work too much. she says if anyone ever asks me 'do you think you work too much?' i'm supposed to say yes. she told me that today. i explained to her that 1. i'm a workaholic and 2. if i don't do it no one else will. that's not me like being a crazy control freak, there just isn't anyone in the store who is trained to help. james and i have discussed training ann to help me, so she better watch out b/c before she knows she will be working too much too.

i keep a list of outstanding projects on my white board that i check off and erase as i finish large projects. for the last two weeks there have been about 6 large projects that i haven't been able to complete and i got mad today and I just erased them. a few hours later ann turns to me and was like wow you don't have any outstanding projects! and then i had to explain that i had just errased them b/c i was sick of looking at them but i still had to do them. ::sigh:: i'll probably write them back on there on monday... or i will forget them. which is worse: forgetting that you need to do something and not doing it or knowing that you need to do something and not doing it? i can't decide.

ann is a very good wingman. she is currently trying to get me set up with omk. we both think he is a fabulous man so she is doing everything she can to get that to work out. here's to hoping she succeeds. she always signals me when he's going to come into the office and is also very good about directing his attention to me. i adore her and her wingman skills. :)