so i like to record embarrassing moments as i remember them b/c i feel like i don't get embarrassed enough.
ok so this one happened when i was working at dave & buster's in san diego. one of the other girls who worked in the office and i went to get lunch at a panda express and we were going to sneak it through the d&b to eat it in our office.
our boss was super paranoid about EVERYTHING (i don't think she knew we were working in an arcade) and told us we had to put the food inside d&b bags to hide it so no one would know what we had. of course, i thought this was totally ridiculous but said i would do it anyway.
so we had our chinese food in plastic d&b bags and we're walking through the arcade and very loudly i turn to the girl who is with me and say "DOES IT SMELL LIKE CHINESE FOOD IN HERE?!?" at which point the three men walking in front of me turn around... and they are, of course, three very angry looking chinese guys.
and then i don't remember what happened. i think maybe i melted into the floor. the seems the only appropriate course of action.
and there you have it!
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Friday, September 28, 2012
pile of good
i do nearly all of my best thinking when i am alone in the car. tonight i had about an hour drive home and very little traffic, which meant it was the perfect time for discussions with me.
i had two main talks with myself tonight.
the first talked revolved around me being reminded that i really am a lucky woman. i have some really amazing friends and family and i am extremely thankful to have them in my life. i took some time to think of some specific friends and why they are so special to me.
- a friend who would do anything for me any time. no matter how much time we spend apart, it's as though nothing has changed. it's always comfortable and fun and i feel uplifted after spending time together. a friend that i feel as though i've always know, always. and that i always will.
- a friend who is a reminder that sometimes friends aren't just friends but angels sent to help us and enrich our lives.
- a sister who can be a friend who is there through it all. and understands some things in a way that no one else can.
- a friend who teaches me that sometimes you're batman and sometimes you're robin and it's ok to play either role (i'm still working on this one... i hate feeling like robin).
- a friend who can always make me laugh when we are in a room together regardless of the situation (and believe me, there have been difficult times). a friend i don't feel the need to entertain but i always have the very best of times with.
and i would like share this:
and the second talk i had.
october 25 will be one year since uncle mike passed away. sometimes i have flashes back to the hospital, to the icu, to that last, horrific week. and days when i can't handle it my brain screams 'stop' and i put it away and think about something else. and days when i'm feeling a little stronger, i force myself to push through and get myself to think about the good memories with uncle mike. the times on the seesaw at grandma cathy's house. hiking in arizona. the time he bought me my first copy of a brief history of time. i think about how he always made us laugh. how he would say 'thank you ma'am, may i have another?' how he loved to travel and experience life. loved to go to fancy restaurants and order red beans and rice. loved to read and learn and be surrounded by good friends. how he loved us, so very, very much.
it hurts and it's hard but it's better than telling myself to close that part off. and it makes me think of the ways my life has changed since then. the way my goals have changed. and the dear friends who took care of me when everything happened (whether they knew they were or not).
the first month or so after he passed away, i cried every night and thought it would never end. it was about 6 months or so later that i thought for the first time, one day i will stop being sad. until that point, i just never thought that would happen ever again. and now i'm at a point where i can push through to the happy memories... they still make me cry, i don't know that that will ever change. but i feel like i'm working my way through. grief and loss are big things to deal with. but as sirius once told harry, "but know this; the ones that love us never really leave us. and you can always find them in here. [puts his hand to harry's heart]"
one final thing, this has been stuck in my head
i had two main talks with myself tonight.
the first talked revolved around me being reminded that i really am a lucky woman. i have some really amazing friends and family and i am extremely thankful to have them in my life. i took some time to think of some specific friends and why they are so special to me.
- a friend who would do anything for me any time. no matter how much time we spend apart, it's as though nothing has changed. it's always comfortable and fun and i feel uplifted after spending time together. a friend that i feel as though i've always know, always. and that i always will.
- a friend who is a reminder that sometimes friends aren't just friends but angels sent to help us and enrich our lives.
- a sister who can be a friend who is there through it all. and understands some things in a way that no one else can.
- a friend who teaches me that sometimes you're batman and sometimes you're robin and it's ok to play either role (i'm still working on this one... i hate feeling like robin).
- a friend who can always make me laugh when we are in a room together regardless of the situation (and believe me, there have been difficult times). a friend i don't feel the need to entertain but i always have the very best of times with.
and i would like share this:
and the second talk i had.
october 25 will be one year since uncle mike passed away. sometimes i have flashes back to the hospital, to the icu, to that last, horrific week. and days when i can't handle it my brain screams 'stop' and i put it away and think about something else. and days when i'm feeling a little stronger, i force myself to push through and get myself to think about the good memories with uncle mike. the times on the seesaw at grandma cathy's house. hiking in arizona. the time he bought me my first copy of a brief history of time. i think about how he always made us laugh. how he would say 'thank you ma'am, may i have another?' how he loved to travel and experience life. loved to go to fancy restaurants and order red beans and rice. loved to read and learn and be surrounded by good friends. how he loved us, so very, very much.
it hurts and it's hard but it's better than telling myself to close that part off. and it makes me think of the ways my life has changed since then. the way my goals have changed. and the dear friends who took care of me when everything happened (whether they knew they were or not).
the first month or so after he passed away, i cried every night and thought it would never end. it was about 6 months or so later that i thought for the first time, one day i will stop being sad. until that point, i just never thought that would happen ever again. and now i'm at a point where i can push through to the happy memories... they still make me cry, i don't know that that will ever change. but i feel like i'm working my way through. grief and loss are big things to deal with. but as sirius once told harry, "but know this; the ones that love us never really leave us. and you can always find them in here. [puts his hand to harry's heart]"
one final thing, this has been stuck in my head
Friday, September 21, 2012
life
i was talking to a friend at work today and i told him about some plan i have and his response was something along the lines of 'you shouldn't do that... you're just going to be disappointed / get hurt.'
ok, for starters, i think it's a depressing outlook on life to assume that everything is always going to end badly. like sometimes, things work out, ya know? sure, usually they don't at all, but sometimes they do. at some point in life i have to get what i want, don't i?
and then my next thought was, if i let the fear of being disappointed or hurt stop me from doing things i wanted to do, why then, i would never do anything... ever... at all. i know things rarely (if ever) work out the way we expect them to. and i know that expectations vs reality is a cruel lesson we all learn over and over. but i don't think that should stop a person from taking chances, embracing change and, more importantly, being an agent of change in their own life.
the moral of the story: it's a good thing andrew doesn't tell me what to do.
along the same line of thought, i feel as though i'm finally getting to a point that i could settle down and stay a place for a while... if i found the right place. and california is not the right place (side note: people who love california, or have never left california, will never understand this. they are so blinded by their love for california that they don't see it for what it is. and what exactly is it? it's a place where some people love to live and others do not.) and i'm not exactly sure where the right place is, but i feel like a person should try to figure that out.
i would like to live some place that has seasons with trees that change (i am willing to exchange that for snow). a place that has a sense of community to it. some place where you can ride a bike or go hiking. a comedysportz team not too far away is important to me (that probably seems silly but it's really important to me). a diversity of cultural experiences should be available. some good restaurants that aren't chains. and some body of water that isn't too terribly far away.
and that's my list so far. so keep an eye out for a place like that so i can move there. the current list toppers are seattle and salt lake city. if you hear about job openings in either area, please let me know!
ok, for starters, i think it's a depressing outlook on life to assume that everything is always going to end badly. like sometimes, things work out, ya know? sure, usually they don't at all, but sometimes they do. at some point in life i have to get what i want, don't i?
and then my next thought was, if i let the fear of being disappointed or hurt stop me from doing things i wanted to do, why then, i would never do anything... ever... at all. i know things rarely (if ever) work out the way we expect them to. and i know that expectations vs reality is a cruel lesson we all learn over and over. but i don't think that should stop a person from taking chances, embracing change and, more importantly, being an agent of change in their own life.
the moral of the story: it's a good thing andrew doesn't tell me what to do.
along the same line of thought, i feel as though i'm finally getting to a point that i could settle down and stay a place for a while... if i found the right place. and california is not the right place (side note: people who love california, or have never left california, will never understand this. they are so blinded by their love for california that they don't see it for what it is. and what exactly is it? it's a place where some people love to live and others do not.) and i'm not exactly sure where the right place is, but i feel like a person should try to figure that out.
i would like to live some place that has seasons with trees that change (i am willing to exchange that for snow). a place that has a sense of community to it. some place where you can ride a bike or go hiking. a comedysportz team not too far away is important to me (that probably seems silly but it's really important to me). a diversity of cultural experiences should be available. some good restaurants that aren't chains. and some body of water that isn't too terribly far away.
and that's my list so far. so keep an eye out for a place like that so i can move there. the current list toppers are seattle and salt lake city. if you hear about job openings in either area, please let me know!
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
daisy chain
alright, i don't normally do this kind of stuff but since it's nate i haaaaave to. so i got a message from nate (aka the teeth and / or the phantom pooper) saying he had given me the daisy award and to visit his blog for the deets. in conclusion i must now share seven usual or strange things about me and then pass three other bloggers the daisy award... creating a never ending cycle of giving and receiving of daisies until the internet is just one giant daisy field. or something like that.
1. i have a million dream jobs i would like to do: raising goats and making goat soap, radio dj, forest ranger, roller derby girl, author, painter, tap dancer, food truck owner, jungle cruise skipper and tons of other things. i seem to be always coming up with something new to be when i grow up and i'm afraid there won't be enough time to do them all. but that doesn't mean i won't try.
2. i have a long standing belief that i have a lisp. everyone tells me i don't, but i don't believe them... so don't bother trying to fight me about it.
3. i read the harry potter series for the first time two years ago and quickly became obsessed. and then i watched all the movies up to 7.1 (which was in the theater at the time). i have been to harry potter world in florida twice (once with friends and once by myself for christmas). i have been to a wizard rock concert. and i am in the process of reading the series for the third time. i don't think of myself as any of the characters but several of my friends or not-so-much-friends remind me of the characters. i had a roommate who i still swear was umbridge in the flesh.
4. i have referred to myself as a gypsy since i was about 15. moral of the story: be careful what you tell yourself.
5. i haven't eaten mashed potatoes since i was 4. i had an incident that now makes that food look like puke to me and i have eaten them again. because sometimes you make up your mind when you're 4 and you never change it again. i actually am quite prone to dry heaving... usually from lack of sleep, too much excitement or one of my 3 trigger words (which all start with the letter s).
6. in general, people think i am pretty brave and fearless and i, generally, am. except when it comes to anything that could potentially be physically dangerous. like even a little bit. when i see a spider or a lizard or a dust bunny that moves too quickly my lips instantly start to tingle. which is my own personal version of my spidee sense warning me of impending doom. i am also afraid of going under water, jumping off things, being too high in the air and pretty much anything else you can think of that might make a person hurt. i'm not afraid of traveling alone or public speaking or giving away all my stuff and moving across the country.
7. i have a long standing lie that i tell to people... that i met will ferrell one time when i was in new york. that never happened. but we did have some guy on the street tell us that will ferrell was filming a movie on top of the building we were standing near and that's why craft services was there. and that's the truth of that story. but i really did see meredith from the office on the subway in new york. and mr schue really did make fun of me with his eyes for loving donuts in a museum in dc.
alright, i did it! yay for me! and now on to the tagging:
abby - she used to wear a cloak and was often subjected to my gypsy pounce.
brianna - she makes the best cookies... and anything else.
jessica - i once told her i hated all her shoes. and i did.
1. i have a million dream jobs i would like to do: raising goats and making goat soap, radio dj, forest ranger, roller derby girl, author, painter, tap dancer, food truck owner, jungle cruise skipper and tons of other things. i seem to be always coming up with something new to be when i grow up and i'm afraid there won't be enough time to do them all. but that doesn't mean i won't try.
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| let me milk you and make soap! please! |
2. i have a long standing belief that i have a lisp. everyone tells me i don't, but i don't believe them... so don't bother trying to fight me about it.
3. i read the harry potter series for the first time two years ago and quickly became obsessed. and then i watched all the movies up to 7.1 (which was in the theater at the time). i have been to harry potter world in florida twice (once with friends and once by myself for christmas). i have been to a wizard rock concert. and i am in the process of reading the series for the third time. i don't think of myself as any of the characters but several of my friends or not-so-much-friends remind me of the characters. i had a roommate who i still swear was umbridge in the flesh.
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| omg, i love cats and being fake nice to people. |
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| they love gypsies in toyland. |
6. in general, people think i am pretty brave and fearless and i, generally, am. except when it comes to anything that could potentially be physically dangerous. like even a little bit. when i see a spider or a lizard or a dust bunny that moves too quickly my lips instantly start to tingle. which is my own personal version of my spidee sense warning me of impending doom. i am also afraid of going under water, jumping off things, being too high in the air and pretty much anything else you can think of that might make a person hurt. i'm not afraid of traveling alone or public speaking or giving away all my stuff and moving across the country.
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| back, you devil monster! |
 |
| i swear, that's why we couldn't get a picture! |
alright, i did it! yay for me! and now on to the tagging:
abby - she used to wear a cloak and was often subjected to my gypsy pounce.
brianna - she makes the best cookies... and anything else.
jessica - i once told her i hated all her shoes. and i did.
Friday, September 14, 2012
thoooooughts
so, i had intended on writing a bit about how angry i am about libya but i got distracted and found something i find much more interesting.
here are a couple excerpts from a website i stumbled upon while looking for something else entirely:
Even though it might strike really close to home, it’s a fair question to ask: Why should it be any different with religions or with religious leaders, past or present? If perfection, or anything close to it, is the standard for all organizations or individuals, who will ever measure up? No one will. If you already find yourself severely disappointed with or even disaffected from the LDS Church, it should be completely logical for you to no longer expect perfection from it in any real sense. You can simply drop this unrealistic, unhealthy expectation.
Most people at Church have at least some doubts and concerns. Most people don’t do everything on the checklist. It is fine to talk about these concerns with people we really care to share them with. But it is far more positive and productive to focus on the common good and the common perspectives we share with others. Our beliefs are really nobody’s business unless by sharing we can reach out and help someone else.
i definitely recommend checking out the website b/c i think the topics it addresses don't just apply to mormonism but to anything in life that requires devotion. anyway, that's all b/c now i'm distracted by other things. i found the website to be reassuring and positive and have an optimistic spirit.
one final note, if you want to fight about mormonism... no thanks. if you sincerely would like to ask me questions, go right ahead. but i'm not dealing with negativity any time soon.
here are a couple excerpts from a website i stumbled upon while looking for something else entirely:
Accepting Imperfection
First of all, remember that losing idealistic perceptions or expectations, and replacing them with more realistic ones, are two very important components of human maturity. For example, our parents are much more limited in their capacity than we thought they were when we were children. The same is true with our teachers and leaders. The founding fathers of the USA were much more complex than we were taught growing up: Jefferson held slaves and may have fathered children with a slave, Benjamin Franklin was a philanderer, etc. Corporations can do both great and terrible things. The same applies to governments, schools and even charities. The world is imperfect. Any organization that is comprised of imperfect people is going to have flaws. The bigger the organization, the more likely mistakes will happen and the more serious flaws can become.Even though it might strike really close to home, it’s a fair question to ask: Why should it be any different with religions or with religious leaders, past or present? If perfection, or anything close to it, is the standard for all organizations or individuals, who will ever measure up? No one will. If you already find yourself severely disappointed with or even disaffected from the LDS Church, it should be completely logical for you to no longer expect perfection from it in any real sense. You can simply drop this unrealistic, unhealthy expectation.
Can You Be Honest and Ethical and Stay?
Can you be an honest and ethical person staying in the Church if you really don’t believe everything? People bring up this question a lot. It has various permutations, but the essence of the question is this: People around you might think you are a true believer, or mistake you for someone who is very devout, when in fact you have doubts or do not believe everything. This worry is related to the issue of not caring what others think about you religiously. We mentioned that topic above. But this anxiety is the opposite problem. Some people have concerns about being honest or feel like they must walk around with a scarlet letter sewed to their clothing. The best advice we can give is to find a balance between being authentic and burdening everyone else with your problems.Most people at Church have at least some doubts and concerns. Most people don’t do everything on the checklist. It is fine to talk about these concerns with people we really care to share them with. But it is far more positive and productive to focus on the common good and the common perspectives we share with others. Our beliefs are really nobody’s business unless by sharing we can reach out and help someone else.
i definitely recommend checking out the website b/c i think the topics it addresses don't just apply to mormonism but to anything in life that requires devotion. anyway, that's all b/c now i'm distracted by other things. i found the website to be reassuring and positive and have an optimistic spirit.
one final note, if you want to fight about mormonism... no thanks. if you sincerely would like to ask me questions, go right ahead. but i'm not dealing with negativity any time soon.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
free sundaes!
on tuesday i signed diane and her children into disneyland. it has been very hot here and so about half way through the afternoon we decided to stop to get a soda for diane and some water for me (have i mentioned that i have been off soda since early june? i had a sip of diane's soda on tuesday and i thought my esophagus was burning. crazy soda. anyway...). after some confusion and meandering we finally go up to the ice cream place and i order a large soda and a cup of ice. the worker looks at me real sad and says 'no ice cream?' and i said nope and then she rings a cowbell and everyone starts clapping.
at this point i was totally confused and thought this is what they did every time someone ordered... which seems excessive. but then the lady said we were the guests of the hour so we could have whatever we wanted for free. it still seems like a dream or like maybe i'm making this entire thing up. but here is a picture of our sundaes that i swear we didn't pay for.
anyway, it is now my belief that a person should never have to pay for ice cream at california adventure... taking into account michael's free banana split (though it's still hard for me to believe that he got it b/c someone didn't want sprinkles).
anywho, i just wanted to share with all of you the message that there is still joy in this world and that joy often comes in the form of a surprise free sundae!
at this point i was totally confused and thought this is what they did every time someone ordered... which seems excessive. but then the lady said we were the guests of the hour so we could have whatever we wanted for free. it still seems like a dream or like maybe i'm making this entire thing up. but here is a picture of our sundaes that i swear we didn't pay for.
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| who says there's no such thing as a free lunch? |
anywho, i just wanted to share with all of you the message that there is still joy in this world and that joy often comes in the form of a surprise free sundae!
talkin' about manors
i've got to tell you guys... facebook is kind of a jerk. i never like to tell facebook anything about myself b/c it seems to hold all my personal information hostage and then try to use it against me later. like whenever i tell facebook that i am single, it tells all my friends that i am single. and then all my friends email me and say, 'wait, when were you NOT single?' and that is totally the least fun way to start a conversation ever. and i have to be like NEVER, GO AWAY. also, facebook likes to be like, oh single? how about you try these online dating services? and i'm like talk to me when i have some cats (right now totally doesn't count... not one of the five cats i am currently living with is mine, ok?).
so here is what just happened between facebook and me.
facebook: hey there, you know it's like almost 1 AM, right?
me: yeah, i know... i would go to bed but i got lazy today and instead of going to the library to check out a new book i sat on the couch in my pajamas with the cats and watched toddlers and tiaras.
fb: oh ok. i also noticed you're eating cookies right now.
me: uh huh.
fb: so i was just thinking... people you might know: your ex boyfriend! HAHAHA.
me: rude.
anyway, someone should talk to facebook about manners. at first i typed manors. someone should talk to facebook about manors. and that someone should probably be wearing a top hat and a monocle.
so here is what just happened between facebook and me.
facebook: hey there, you know it's like almost 1 AM, right?
me: yeah, i know... i would go to bed but i got lazy today and instead of going to the library to check out a new book i sat on the couch in my pajamas with the cats and watched toddlers and tiaras.
fb: oh ok. i also noticed you're eating cookies right now.
me: uh huh.
fb: so i was just thinking... people you might know: your ex boyfriend! HAHAHA.
me: rude.
anyway, someone should talk to facebook about manners. at first i typed manors. someone should talk to facebook about manors. and that someone should probably be wearing a top hat and a monocle.
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| maybe this guy can do it |
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
fun and games
you know how sometimes you're like 'i want to find a new job' and then life is like JOBS! that's how things are right now. mostly in that, i am applying for jobs and no one has hired me yet but i think they will soon. you see, my plan is to apply for like a million jobs and then i will have like 6 job offers and everything will be so confusing and i won't know what to do. because that sounds awesome. i do actually have an interview for the jungle cruise. my plan is to go work at the jungle cruise so i can check that off my bucket list and then continue in my job search for a grown up job. yes, this is, indeed, my plan.
i'm looking to move out of california. so if you know of any cool places to work where it is cheap to live, hit me up. or if you know any rich guys who want to marry me, that works too.
hey guys, i'm just going to say it this one time, but i really think you should all be watching 'here comes honey boo boo.' i just really feel like it's important. i'm not going to nag you. it's just really important to me, ok?
i just googled myself and i didn't find anything interesting. first person to send me a link of something about me from google that isn't a social networking site or comedysportz wins a prize. and if all you can find is comedysportz, i might still let you win if it's interesting.
i'm looking to move out of california. so if you know of any cool places to work where it is cheap to live, hit me up. or if you know any rich guys who want to marry me, that works too.
hey guys, i'm just going to say it this one time, but i really think you should all be watching 'here comes honey boo boo.' i just really feel like it's important. i'm not going to nag you. it's just really important to me, ok?
i just googled myself and i didn't find anything interesting. first person to send me a link of something about me from google that isn't a social networking site or comedysportz wins a prize. and if all you can find is comedysportz, i might still let you win if it's interesting.
Saturday, September 8, 2012
my stomach lining
so this is mostly going to be about food today. b/c i'm having a terrible time with food lately. i don't know what the deal is. if you had asked me 6 months ago what foods i am allergic to i would have said 'uhmm maybe kiwi.' but now, it's like 'uuuuuh i think everything...?' how does that happen to a person?
every food doesn't make me have like a super reaction but most stuff makes me just sick enough to not want to eat anything ever. so i'm pretty sure i have reactions to beef, anything with caffeine, nuts, dairy and gluten. i'm not willing to deal with the entire gluten thing at this point... especially since it's one of the foods that i seem to just be sensitive to instead of making me feel like i'm dying (i'm looking at you beef). anyway, i feel like the more stuff i stop eating the more food makes me sick. what's the about, hmm? so at this point there isn't anything i like to eat (i loathe iceberg lettuce so generally salad is the worst thing in the world) and i've become one of those picky people who never knows what they want to eat. i'm basically just eating chicken salad and then crying the rest of the day.
according to the internet this all means that i'm dying. but the internet has been known to overreact.
i'm home alone this next week with all the animals. and i swear they are being bigger jerks than normal. if anyone wants to come over and entertain the kittens for a bit that would be great. yesterday i went into their area to give them food and instantly had four kittens attached to my legs. ugh.
fingers crossed, hopefully i will get to go to the fair on thursday!
every food doesn't make me have like a super reaction but most stuff makes me just sick enough to not want to eat anything ever. so i'm pretty sure i have reactions to beef, anything with caffeine, nuts, dairy and gluten. i'm not willing to deal with the entire gluten thing at this point... especially since it's one of the foods that i seem to just be sensitive to instead of making me feel like i'm dying (i'm looking at you beef). anyway, i feel like the more stuff i stop eating the more food makes me sick. what's the about, hmm? so at this point there isn't anything i like to eat (i loathe iceberg lettuce so generally salad is the worst thing in the world) and i've become one of those picky people who never knows what they want to eat. i'm basically just eating chicken salad and then crying the rest of the day.
according to the internet this all means that i'm dying. but the internet has been known to overreact.
i'm home alone this next week with all the animals. and i swear they are being bigger jerks than normal. if anyone wants to come over and entertain the kittens for a bit that would be great. yesterday i went into their area to give them food and instantly had four kittens attached to my legs. ugh.
fingers crossed, hopefully i will get to go to the fair on thursday!
Saturday, September 1, 2012
camping
the last time i went camping was right before kevin left on his mission and it was for only 1 night. and now kevin is back so that means it's been over 2 years. and i can't even remember when i went camping before that. maybe shortly after high school.
i don't have a tent. but i have an ax and a battery powered lantern. that's what i'm bringing to the table. also, i'm willing to cook and give suggestions as to why you can't start a fire. so think about it, everybody.
city walk!
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| we went to city walk |
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