on being single

first, i would like to start this by saying, i am neither a man hater nor am i sad single lady. i generally enjoy my singledom because of the freedom it allows me at this point in my life. i have the ability to move across the country as i please, i can make financial decisions on my own, i can travel and generally spend my time and resources as i please. anyway, the point of this isn't to sit around trying to convince you that i'm happy being single. obviously it's better to not be single if you're in a good relationship. i'm just saying that i'm happy with what i have and i see the positive in my situation. now, on to my thoughts on being single.

facebook. the ultimate provider of relationship 411. first, there's the relationship status updates. no longer do you have to ask the awkward 'what are we doing here?' question. not sure where you stand? just ask if you should change your status to in a relationship. so less awkward. i wish that was a joke but sadly i have had friends tell me that they have had conversations like that (i have never had that conversation... but i would never admit to it if i had). things are rocky but he doesn't want to talk about it? IT'S COMPLICATED. want to break up but don't want to do it in person or deal with feelings? SINGLE. that will send him, and all your mutual friends, the message loud and clear.

another helpful tool on facebook is the status update. post something along the lines of 'is not angry, she's just disappointed and hurt.' you are certain to get a what did i do text and it also alerts all the girls to be on call for ice cream runs. two birds, one status update.

the most entertaining thing to me is when you change you relationship status on facebook it alerts all your friends who can then comment on the change. a facebook friend recently went from single to in a relationship and instantly there were comments of congratulations all over the place. the thing that is funny about this to me, is in the regular world when someone tells you they started dating someone you don't normally react with the word congratulations. so why is that the appropriate response in the cyber world? what about oh, who are you dating? is he nice? does he have a lot of muscles? a job?

i don't even want to get into facebook flirting. the ish just makes me sick.

next single thought. i don't believe in internet dating. i know it has worked for other people in the past but it just isn't for me at this point in my life (i hope i never reach a point in my life where it is for me in all reality). my problem with internet dating is you should never get to know someone and develop an attachment to them before meeting in person. i think that initial gut reaction is important. it's that gut reaction that says RUN FOR THE HILLS THIS GUY IS A CREEPER. if you already are emotionally attached to the person though, it's likely that your brain will tell your gut to be quiet... maybe even with chocolate cake and french fries. that said, the other day i got an email at work for a mormon dating site. at first i didn't think anything about out it. mostly because my facebook says that i'm lds and i get a lot of spam in my email at home from dating sites like eharmony. and then i realized i was at work. on my work email. an email that no where in the world in any database would be tied to be being either (a) mormon or (b) single and then i cried. i cried because i realized one of my friends thinks i have reached that point in life where i am getting too old and unmarried for comfort. sure, sure i know you just want me to be happy like you are, who ever you are (please don't email me saying it was you... who ever you are!). but don't worry friends i'm still too cool for meeting guys on the internet. i said to myself, 'self pull it together... this will be funny in a couple days.' it was actually funny about an hour later. but i still wonder when did i become the girl who people suggest internet dating to?! i'm way too cool for that. the day i get a cat or start knitting i will sign up for a mormon dating site. promise.

my final dating thought: i'm very susceptible to suggestive dating. no, not suggestive like that. more like if someone says something like 'i don't understand why you and so&so aren't dating... i think you'd make a good couple' i'm instantly like you're right we would make a good couple, i will do that now. this happens a lot. because in addition to people suggesting internet dating sites, they also like to suggest potential boyfriends. i recently had a coworker accuse me of dating someone who came in to the store with me. this particular coworker does this anytime a male comes into the store. it goes like this:
him: WAS THAT YOUR BOYFRIEND?
me: no.
him: YES IT WAS! YOU'RE A LIAR! THAT'S YOUR BOYFRIEND! STOP LYING!!!
me: no. what? no, that's just a friend.
him: OH YEAH? I BET HE'S A REAL GOOD FRIEND! SO GOOD THAT HE IS YOUR BOYFRIEND, YOU LIAR!!!!
me: what the what? i'm going back to my office.
elaina's head: yeah LIAR! MAYBE THAT is YOUR BOYFRIEND!!!
me: what? you know that's not true... wait, do i secretly love him?
elaina's head: i don't even know what we're talking about. where's the chocolate?
me: ARGH! thems the breaks.

at any rate, people suggest and i will then spend the next two weeks trying to figure out whether or not i actually am interested in someone or if it's just the power of suggestion.

and thats my current single thoughts.

we love la

i'm going to make a list of things i want to do while i'm in ca. obviously, top priority is meeting the new baby and seeing family and friends. and now the list in no particular order:

disneyland
comedy sportz
point break live
getty
farmers market
dancing some where awesome
wienershnitzel
pink berry

i think that is everything. i know i won't do all of it but that's my dream list. i'm so excited!

i signed up today to do some volunteer work so that i can get a free ticket to disneyland. this will be like the ultimate free trip if i get that done before i leave. i will have gotten the flight for free and disneyland for free. NICE.

anywho, i arrive in LA 2/16 at 11 PM and leave 2/21 at 2 PM. can't wait!

why girls are weird

today marks two weeks since i kicked the diet coke habit. not bad elainagans. not bad at all.

friday we attended a chamber lunch & learn. the main thing i got out of it was i wrote down a list of goals. i have goals! i have goals for the first time since i don't even know when. it was surprising to me that i was able to come out with a list of about 10 goals without thinking about it too long. i guess i had goals hidden in my brain all along but just hadn't stopped to acknowledge the fact that they were in there. it feels so good to have some goals. to not just be working without an end. my next step is to start putting together action plans. this is something i love about myself. i am a woman of action. for me, i don't want to just sit and talk about things. if we're going to talk it's because we want a solution. i always thought that it was confrontation that i hated but it turns out that i hate confrontation for the sake of confrontation. confrontation to come up with a solution is what i love. this seems to be a conversation i have at work a lot lately. i will tell them i don't mind that we have heated discussions about things as long as we are accomplishing something. we're not going to just yell at each other to yell at each other. we're going to yell each other and work out an answer and then move on with our lives.

anyway, over this next week i'm going to begin mapping out my goals and making progress towards them. this makes me feel good about me.

today while i was sitting in church i was struck by how incredibly blessed i am right now. i have people who care about me deeply. people who love me and i love in return. people i have meaningful relationships with and who enrich my life by being part of it. i am happy to have a life that i view as drama free, as calm, as honest and real and joyful. a life that i am happy to share with those around me. i look forward to one day marrying and having a relationship like this with my husband... like this but more. the idea of it no longer scares me like it used to.

this morning my home teachers were over. they gave a lesson that concluded with something along the lines of 'don't move back to california.' but what i got from the lesson was the message of how wonderful my family is. funny how that works, isn't it? i just sat there and thought about how lucky i am to have my family. i thought about how much i love my siblings and their children. how much i love my parents. their examples, their love. for all the good that has been done. how time and the Savior heal all. i don't express these things enough, because well, it's just not who i am.

it doesn't so much whether i move to california or new york or the moon or stay right here in virginia, as long as i continue to learn and grow as a person i will be happy. and yes, i know that doesn't help me decide what i'm going to do with my life.

i submitted a resume tonight. as i clicked the send button i became extremely nervous. the idea of leaving a company that i have worked for almost 5 years is terrifying, especially for someone who is not yet 26. i feel as though i have grown up with dave & buster's. a couple times for the last few months i have had little melt downs when i realize i don't know where dave & buster's stops and where i begin. i have a little sign posted at my desk that says elaina (the equal sign with a slash through it) dave & buster's. i have a hard time remembering that i am not dave & buster's and dave & buster's is not me. my self worth is not determined by my job performance.

we did this exercise at the chamber event where we made a list of all the roles we perform in life: sales manager, student of life, sister, daughter, friend, etc and then rated ourselves on a scale of 1 to 10 at performing these jobs. at the top we rated what we thought we were as a person. the instructor told us that no matter what we should always see ourselves as a 10. who i am and my 10ness is not contingent upon me being a perfect friend, a perfect sales person or even being terrible at any of these things. so i need to be better at reading sales development books? makes me an 8 at student. but i'm still a 10 as a person. i thought it was a very valuable lesson.

i really appreciate the chamber of commerce here for providing these learning opportunities that mean so much more than business.

i just thought of something. i used to have a blue ribbon taped to the dashboard of my car when i was in college. it said in gold writing 'who i am makes a difference.' i believe that. i believe that people are changed from knowing me.

i feel as though i've begun to wax nostalgic lately. with all the pulling out the old high school notebooks and stories of days gone by. it just good to look back and see the changes. to remember the joys. to see the growth that has taken place. to see where i am and where i came from. to figure out where i'm going and how to get there. maybe it's the upcoming birthday. is this what getting old does to you?

i got your crazy

dear beyonce, only buzz is allowed to say to infinity and beyond.

so tuesday morning ann & i went to this networking mixer thing for the chamber. it was at ridiculously early o'clock in the morning but it was at the new hilton so i was set on going. side note, the new hilton is really beautiful but seriously this area has WAY too many hotels. i feel bad for the sales managers at these places. in a five mile radius we probably have at least 15 hotels. shoot i can think of at least 5 that are two miles or less from the store!

anyway, we're at this meeting and basically they go around and you have 30 seconds to introduce yourself and say what you do. i told ann we could stand up together and i would do all the talking since this was her first time and it's a lot of pressure to having 50+ adults looking at you (i typically forget what i'm supposed to say, turn bright red and then yell something embarrassing... like 'i'll be your personal ambassador to fun!' and then people are like uhmm what do you do?!). my experience at this event made me realize that my calling in life is actually to do stand up comedy for old business men. who would have thought?! long story short we stood up and i introduced us as dave and buster from dave & buster's and then the people were practically rolling on the floor. i doubt that joke will ever again get such a reaction. people were throwing their hats in the air. if they had babies with them they would've have been throwing their babies. i think someone even threw some confetti. it was just the oddest thing in the entire world... mostly because i don't think that joke is very funny. in fact if i'm ever working an offsite event and there is someone there with me, i ALWAYS get asked 'which one is dave and which one is buster?' by the end of the event by some old business man. i guess that joke is just really big with old business men.

i don't know why i had the desire to tell that story.

i've been soda and fried food free for about a week and a half now. take that soda and fried foods! my next goal is to get into a regular exercise routine. i'd love to start riding my bike again. hey virginia, do you hear that? i want to ride my bike... stop being FREEZING COLD. to quote ann, 'it's right cold here.'

tomorrow we have a lunch meeting at the chamber offices. i love the chamber office because it's in the business district of downtown richmond and going there makes me feel like mary tyler moore. i love the feel of the city when i'm there. i love walking down the streets and pretending i work there. every time i'm there i fall more in love with the city and buys virginia a few more months of my life (dear virginians, if you want me to stay here forever, when ever i start talking about leaving take me to downtown to walk around).

the other day i decided to show some of the girls some of my high school notebooks. i think i was trying to prove how undorky i am now by comparing it to how dorky i used to be. this meant i need to find my collages of elijah wood pictures. it was actually pretty entertaining to read and see the stuff i put together. it was like looking at a little time capsule to elaina 10 years ago. a lot of it ridiculously funny. some of it was really sad. and some of it just made me shake my head. some of the highlights:
1. a drawing of 'the super wholesome squad' the super hero duo of laurel and me aka scarlet fever and mysteria.
2. a list of favorite memories which included things like 'the time nichelle and robert rolled down the stairs together' and 'dropping alan on his head'
3. the journal entries... oh the journal entries. mostly they seem to be entirely random little blurbs of life from the particular day. for example:

tuesday 4/23/2002
"Never judge a book by it's movie." J.W. Eagan
Today I kidnapped Laurel and my sister and we went to Disneyland. It was a lot of fun! There was this fun boy who asked for our autographs, and we made Top Ramen. We went to Mimi's afterwards and we had a fun waiter.

tuesday 4/9/2002
"To be a champion you must believe you are the best. If you are not, pretend you are. " Muhammad Ali
We practiced for DTASC. Othello. *hahaha*
Omar said "I like cross dressing a lot" he was talking about mixing brands of clothes but it was funny x 1000!
In all reality we didn't really practice. I stood on the dock and talked with Omar and Perris a lot. It was nice x 1000.
I walked home today just for fun. For the last mile I walked with just one shoe on and the last 1/4 mile no shoes at all.

wednesday 3/6/2002
-I'm really afraid of Dana. Today at lunch Laurel and I were walking around and she said "I had a funny dream" and basically comes down to she asks Jeff if he loves Nichelle and he said yes so she shoots her. And I was like that's NOT funny Dana, and she said well you know who I'll be shooting tonight. And I'm afraid of her. She's crazy.
- Jeyzel is cool! Today after first period he walked by and said something and I gave him this little wire guy I had found. Then today at lunch he was walking with me and Laurel and talking to us a lot. Then later he was behind us again but like coming from the opposite direction. It was SO scary! He's fun and magic!
- At lunch Laurel was sitting on the ground and I was standing and we were talking and this random girl walks up and is like what are you doing and sits down next to her. We both were like WHAT THE?!? It was so funny. It was a very weird lunch today.

4. all the random notes from people and pictures i have taped throughout. it's just interesting to see all of it.
5. the life time line i wrote that puts me married to elijah wood, with a house in la and one in london with elijah jr on the way at this point in life. dream big, little elaina, dream big.

at any rate, the entire thing is pretty entertaining to me. some day i'm going to sit down and read through all of it. maybe submit some to mortified.com. if i ever have the opportunity to do a talent show, i do believe i will do a dramatic reading of these things.

and lots of wavy hair like liberace

so my laptop has this habit that makes me crazy. it freezes up whenever it a. pops up a message saying i need to update something or b. someone instant messages me on facebook. it makes me nuts b/c for what seems like an eternity my computer is useless and i have to sit there guessing whether it's going to be a lame update reminder or if someone wants to talk to me. and if i think someone wants to talk to me... is it someone awesome or someone not awesome? it's like this mean game my laptop plays... kind of like laptop russian roulette.

i gave up soda for my new year's resolution. i've been having the WORST caffeine withdrawal headaches for the last day (i stopped drinking soda yesterday). if i can get through these next few days, i'm never drinking soda again b/c i don't want to have to give it up again. or i might have to have my brain removed.

i went home to ca for christmas. i learned how to play settlers of catan. i also realized that i don't enjoy strategy games. no, that's not true. i enjoy strategy games... i'm just not any good at them. it's like that time we were playing scrabble on teams and joseph kept yelling at me 'PLAY WITH STRATEGY!' and i was just like uhmm, no, lets spell big words. at any rate, if anyone likes to win at strategy games, you should come play with me. i will happily play with you and you will happily destroy me at every game.

there are many good things in ca. i enjoy that you can safely walk to the mall from amber's house. you can walk any where you want from amber's house. it's AMAZING. you can't walk any where from my house. i had decided i was going to start walking to work to get some exercise. it's less than 2 miles from my house, so i figured i could do it a couple times a week, no problem. except there are no sidewalks or crosswalks for the two miles from my house to work. and i have to cross a freeway entrance and exit. why in the world would you build a city without sidewalks?! so then i thought, hey i could ride my bike and then i realized there are no bike lanes and i would have to cross a freeway entrance and exit. i'd be safer walking b/c honestly, i'm not very good at riding a bike... especially around cars. cars make me nervous. and i'm guessing there aren't places to lock up a bike at my work... especially since we don't even have a mailbox yet (what the what? STILL no mailbox! we have been open for almost a year!!!). oh and it's freezing here... which kind of destroys my will to live.

as a side note, i'd just like to say that dave & buster's specifically told me that it doesn't snow in richmond and that if it ever did it's the kind of snow that doesn't stick. i would like you all to know that they are liars. why do people always lie about the weather? the top three things people lie about: 1. weight 2. age 3. the weather. which is odd b/c those are all things that are pretty easy to verify with your eyes.

i think wimpy is the hamburglar. not to point fingers or anything, but i'm just sayin'.

is there such a thing as too much fun? i've been very paranoid lately that i'm too fun but there's no one to ask. like how much of a jerk do you sound like asking someone 'hey, do you think i'm TOO fun?' i'm just worried. (by the way, bill, this is totally your fault... just in case you were asking yourself, 'self did i cause elaina's insecurity about being too fun?' the answer is yes, yes you did.)

this is my favorite picture of ALL time. check out that face! :) cici the big sister looks a little hesitant. totally understandable. i once wrote 'stupid' on brittany's forehead while she was sleeping. i then tried to wash it off with a cloth... which was when she woke up. and then she had to go to dinner with stupid written on her forehead. funny, i don't remember getting in trouble for that. so it must have been worth it.

last night i went to bed super early b/c it was too cold to be awake. anyway, i woke up in the middle of the night b/c i got a text message. a text message from someone telling me to bring them beer. o for random. i don't remember exactly what went down but i remember saying something along the lines of 'what the what? i'm in bed.' and then a response of 'it's not even 10.' to which i wrote a little poem along the lines of 'it's cold and i'm old.' (this was all totally random b/c i don't go around buying beer for people... ever. maybe he figured it was worth a shot. and it was pretty entertaining that he tried... i don't know why he thought i'd say yes.) all this reminds me of that weirdsies stalker i had who would send me rap poem text messages in which he referred to me as shorty. you should never call someone who is taller than you shorty... even if you are trying to get her to be your boo. (as a side note, using boo is only acceptable if you're being ironic. like carrying a pager. or saying nkotb. or having a myspace account.)

which brings me to this question, why do weirdos always want to date me?!?! ::hahaha:: i don't know what that's about.

a little of this

so the other day we were watching the food network. it was an episode of unwrapped about christmas foods. when these little candies showed up on the screen and i instantly yelled 'what the what?' these appear to be snowwomen with giant... well you can tell from the picture. at first no one believed me that what i said i saw was what i saw on unwrapped. luckily a little bit later they showed another shot.

i don't know what else those could possibly be on the snowwomen. thoughts?



this is the new baby q. isn't he adorable?!? i love that little nose. i'm super excited for the new baby. i can't wait to get back out to ca to visit.