welcome to the jungle

i've finished training at the jungle cruise.  also i got offered both jobs i interviewed for while i was in utah.  it's always good to make life as complicated as you possibly can.  i'm not sure what i'm going to do but i'm pretty sure i'm in love with the jungle cruise.  a little?  no, probably a lot.  and the thought of leaving makes me feel like crying.  or is that just everything else?  i'm not sure these days.  i suppose i'm dealing with quite a lot right now.  i suppose.

this is what i realized after a few days of working in the jungle...

so in our imaginations we have a place we go to first.  i feel like the imaginary perfect world in each of our heads has a setting.  some people, they imagine themselves at the beach.  or an old castle.  or a deserted island.  or in the big city.  you get my drift.  but for me, it's always been the jungle.  i just never realized it until i was there.  until i was standing there in the trees and i realized, this is where i go to be happy.  i was standing inside my imagination.

which reminds me of something that happened during training.  i had the best possible trainer for learning the jungle.  the perfect teacher for me.  while we were at dinner on our last training day he asked me what i wanted to be when i grew up.  it took me a moment.  not because i didn't know.  but because the last time i honestly told someone they laughed.  it was that wretched guy i was dating a year or so ago.  so when my trainer asked i took a moment and i thought about what i would say and decided i would try the truth again.


i want to be happy, whatever that is.
and he said, i know what you mean.

good people like that... they're hard to come by.  good moments like that... are even more rare.  there's no way to ever explain to him how much that meant to me and i don't think i have to.  but it's hard not to treasure a person after something like that.

thursday will be 1 year since Uncle Mike passed away.  i'm extra weepy and probably will be for a while. i need people to be extra nice to me right now. ok, guys?