the email, the email

tomorrow is my last day of training. and then i'm just a regular ol' employee. it will be nice to be signed off and able to work normal shifts but i'm really going to miss my training times. my big hope in life is that soon i will be a trainer and then the fun will never end. that's the dream. anyway, things have been busy and tired but it's really great to be working again.
ok my favorite training moment is probably our showdown with the dappers dans. so the dapper dans is this group of four guys who sing and tap dance on main street. there also happens to be four of us in the training ground (three trainees and one trainer). we were walking back from lunch and someone noticed the dapper dan bicycle... a bicycle built for four and suggested that we go for a ride (spoiler alert: we didn't or i wound be writing about how awesome it was to get fired). we talked about riding it up the ramp at inno, which is quite funny if you've ever seen how steep that ramp is or if you've seen how terribly suited for that type of thing this training group is. anyway, we decided that if we took the dans' bike they would probably be angry and we would have to have a dance off with them which we would most definitely lose. someone then threw out the idea that instead we could have a fisticuffs with them. which i said i was a terrible idea since they are definitely trained in old timey boxing. and our trainer's response was 'great, first they'll kick our asses in a dance off and then they will beat the crap out of us.' there's something about the mental image of four guys in spats and taps pummeling my training group that sends me into fits of laughter whenever i picture it. i'm sure you would have to see the group to get the full impact of the hilarity but i'll let you picture it anyway.

tomorrow we just have one last show to be signed off on. it's the big one and i will be glad when it's over.

as usual, i have decided there are about 2-3 people who i am ok with. now we just have to wait the couple of months for all the rest to grow on me. ha.

i would give you the 'in other news' update now but really at this point that's all there is. tah dah!

friday, friday

were you just asking yourself 'does elaina care about science?' well, the answer is yes, yes i do.

yesterday i was trapped in a barnes and noble for a couple hours (my mom was getting user support on her nook. in my opinion, user support for the nook should be them simply saying "go buy a kindle") and i happened to pick up a book about birth order. it was pretty interesting stuff. for the large part it was oddly accurate. the thing about a middle child is that they are typically one of two ways. anyway, it was interesting to know that people write about me in books.

twins have come up a lot this week. i met a set of twins today and i also found out that one of my friends is half a twin (that kind of information is shocking when it comes up after you have known a person for awhile. it's like when i found out little dan's name wasn't actually daniel). i'm really jealous of twins. mostly b/c it's something i can never-ever have no matter how hard i try. there is absolutely nothing i can do to get one. this makes me angry and yet amazed at the same time. i'm sure there are lots of other things that fall into that category but i don't want to think about it. my brain might explode.

there was just a delorean on tv. remember that time i met biff? i do!

where dreams come true

hey, you know what i love? blanket forts, that's what.

i've completed my first two days of training at disneyland. yesterday one of our trainers was this dude who had to be at least 6'5", possibly taller. that's ridiculous, yo. he used to work on the jungle cruise and i talked to him about it a bit and he said he didn't like working there b/c he was too tall to fit in the boat properly. amazing. one of the trainers today also used to work on the jungle cruise and he said he didn't like it b/c he got sick all the time b/c people put the microphone thing too close to their mouth and everybody is germy. these are all interesting things to think about.

speaking of tall people, i would appreciate if my husband was tall. at least 6'2". simply b/c i think having ridiculously tall children is a really good idea. go big or go home, right? it's not that i think short people are bad (some of my best friends are short, i swear) but i just don't want average height children.

i'm 5'10". i was never one of those people who wished they were a different height. i'm comfortable with being a tall woman and have no problem wearing heels (at least when it comes to the height issue... it's mostly pain from when i broke my foot that makes me wear flats). and if i had to pick to grow or shrink 2 inches, i would definitely pick to grow. i would just hope that those two inches went to my torso and not my already ridiculously long legs (i like to occasionally be able to wear pants that aren't high waters).

i've become very dependent on the perks of being a tall person. such as it's a lot more difficult to get lost in crowds b/c you can see over everyone and your friends can spot your head easily. also, i can reach high shelves and use the top of the fridge as extra storage space (it wasn't until i lived with a short person that i realized not everyone can keep their cereal boxes up there!). it takes a bigger wave to knock me over in the ocean and more of me stays dry when i'm trying to cross a river! and finally, i generally believe that a tall person with a good head of hair can have basically anything they want. this is based solely on the fact that i am a tall person with a good head of hair and i believe i can have basically anything i want (you short and / or bald people are welcome to come out with your own theories for your personal success, as for me i'm sticking with long legs and luxurious hair).

here is a story that has nothing to do with any of that... i have this friend shannon who i met doing improv in virginia. after a few months of knowing me she turns to me one day and says 'you're not cool!' she said it in a tone that implied that i had been lying to her since we met. i guess she had been under the impression that i was cool and that i even thought i was cool. this was funny to me b/c i knew me in junior high and armed with this knowledge, i will never-ever think i am cool. additionally, it never occurred to me that someone would assume i was cool when meeting me. i mean, i have a lot of really amazing attributes... i think i'm awesome (have you noticed that i'm five inches taller than the average american woman and my hair is really silky and naturally curly?!)... but cool is not something i've ever been or even wanted to be. i don't really know where i was going with this story, other than to say sometimes people think i'm cool and i'm not. the end.

one final note, congratulations michael on solving the case of the missing keys and car. you're a regular hardy boy now!

james and eeyore

when children ask me to tell them a story i usually make them tell me a story. i will say something like 'once there was a boy and his name was what?' kind of like a madlib story time. so i was doing this yesterday with baby james.this is baby james. he isn't actually a baby. he turned 3 in september.

quick back story. i have a "white board" in my room... it's actually a picture frame and i put a piece of poster board in so i can pretend i have a large white board. so james asked me to draw some monsters yesterday and to make them scary. here is what i came up with.
i thought the idea of a monster with a comb over was pretty funny. i don't think he agreed. after that he asked me to draw only happy monsters with funny teeth. i guess i'm a little too good at drawing scary monsters.

anyway, i was having him tell me a story last night and i was impressed with the story he came up with. at first we were playing fill in the blank story but after a little bit he was just telling me the story. i will now share it with you. i suggest not reading this in the dark or when you are home alone. here is my paraphrased version of what he told me:

there once was a boy named eeyore. eeyore's favorite thing to do when we woke up in the morning was to ride his bike. so eeyore goes out riding his bike and he meets some monsters. he is really scared and doesn't know what to do and then he scares the monsters by saying ROOOOOAAAARR! and the montsters run off.

eeyore goes home and his mom is glad he is back and she gives him a present. he opens the present and it's crayons and so he starts drawing a picture. he draws the monster from earlier and when he finishes it comes to life and comes through the paper and eats his mom! and then the monster eats eeyore. then eeyore busts out through the monster's stomach. eeyore gets his friends together and they fight off the monsters and the monsters say 'i'm sorry' and leave. the end.

i don't know about you but the idea of a drawing of a monster coming to life and coming out of the page to eat you is pretty stinking scary to me. i also like how just when you think eeyore is safe it all starts again. good ones, james! anyway, i'm pretty sure he thought my drawing was going to murder him... so that's awesome.

kiss today goodbye

guys! i start work on saturday. this is a very exciting time for me... my last day of work was december 30, 2011! that is a really long time ago. it's 2012 now. so much has happened since the last time i worked. such as my last shows at comedy sportz richmond, going to hawaii, moving across the country (with gina... the world's best travel buddy), visiting utah (i had a ridiculous amount of fun visiting everyone there... i just felt so happy to see everyone), getting some of the most magical jobs on earth, turning 28 (yay birthday and no children fell from the sky) and much more.

yesterday i got to hang out with one of my most favoritest virginia buddies. he was in town for some family stuff and so his being in ca really came as a surprise. i still kind of feel like maybe i made the entire thing up. also i have no witnesses or photographic proof that he was here so it's possible that i did make the entire thing up. made up or real, i had a blast and it reminded me how much i really enjoy laughing. i feel like i just laughed and laughed the entire day. that's the best feeling. it also gave me hope that i will eventually find a friend or two here who i can have fun with. i was sort of starting to worry that i had stopped being capable of having fun... but it turns out, nope i totally can! anyway, world's best day, yo.

here is something i have been enjoying lately and i think you should enjoy it too: andrew's blog. if you enjoy life you will enjoy reading his blog. his last series of updates has just been completed but i'm certain you will get a kick from reading through his past posts. andrew is a comedy sportzer in portland and you're not likely to find a funnier person any time soon.

speaking of portland, man is that city awesome or what? as the days go by i become more and more obsessed with the idea of moving there some day. there are so many trees and men with beards and funny tv shows. i need to be there.

i've been going through a lot of older pictures lately and i've realized that i really ridiculously miss kevin.
man, even though things were difficult and we were both dealing with a lot in our lives and we fought more than is normal for me... those were still some of the happiest times of while i was in virginia. i really miss him. memories.

one final note, i use google analytics to tell me where people visit from. it's a super fun game for me where i try to figure out who stops by based on cities. special one time request, if you pop in leave a comment saying hi so it will give me more to think about when i look at the dots on the map. or be all mysterious and don't say anything. i'll never know it was you... unless you're the only person i know in that city... and even then how can i be certain?? ps i totally know this is not what google analytics is supposed to be used to do but it's addictive.

monkey butt lift?
monkey butler!
oh.

whatcha got in that bag?

so i learned something new today. and it's this:
i know, right? after some internet research (andrew sent me a link to wikipedia b/c i was too afraid to google milk bags) it turns out this seems like a pretty ok idea. i just never would have imagined this was going on. but i can really see it catching on here. like if some local dairies started selling their milk in a shop local, be green initiative people would eat that up to the max. local and green? i'll take 50 and a straw, mister!

who has that much time?

i spend a lot of time pretending. a few months back i was getting worried that maybe i spend too much time pretending, seeing as how i'm an adult. you see, i don't ever plan to start pretending. this is how it goes...
elaina's brain: i never get giant lollipops anymore. giant lollipops were so much fun. i wish i had a giant lollipop right now.
and next thing i know my fist is out in front of me and i'm licking the air.
which is not something you want to get caught doing out in public. ps, yes the above is a real life example... from today. i wish people played pretend still. why can't we play house or pretend to be astronauts? i want to act like i'm easting plastic cookies with other adults! it isn't fair.

this is why i think improv was so good for me. it gave me an outlet to pretend in and to pretend with other adults. one moment you're sitting there and the next moment you're all 'look at me, i'm this guy's girlfriend and we're fighting in public' or 'hey guys, someone needs to disarm this bomb STAT.' and then you go back to your normal life where you aren't going to be fighting with anyone in public any time soon and no one asks you to do anything STAT.

i have had many interesting experiences in my life. here is a story about that. i used to work at starbucks. at starbucks we sold both sliced lemon pound cake and lemon bundt cake. we had this man who would come in nearly every day and one day he asked for the lemon cake and i asked him pound or bundt... he said "not the pound... ARGH... no man wants to say BUNDT." i don't know why, but this has really stuck with me through the years. and now whenever i am angry with a male i always try to get them to say bundt.

i went to some tide pools yesterday in laguna. i enjoy tide pools b/c of the sea anemones. i like how when you poke them they are grabby and they close up. i get a kick out of the fact that i can just walk up to something and annoy it. i'm suuuper paranoid about being annoying in real life so the sea anemones give me a chance to let off a little steam. while i was there i saw a sea star that was as big as two of my hands. i've never seen anything like it in the wild before. it was pretty sweet.

being at the tide pools made me think about how i have seen a lot of really cool stuff in my life. one of the most incredible things i have ever seen is the red tide at night. that was amazing. there is an algae that when the waves crash it makes them light up neon blue. also your footsteps in the sand glow. and a few months ago a sat on a rock next to a monk seal in the wild. there are less than 1,200 monk seals left on the planet. and, i've seen mermaids. BAM.

today, all i wanted to do was to eat an ice cream cone while sitting on the grass. didn't happen b/c there is no place to get a good ice cream cone in these parts. SAD. the other day i said to my mom 'where's the nearest creamery?' and she looked at me like i was nuts. b/c, well, yeah. best creamery i've ever been to? it's in north carolina. i don't know what it's called but kevin took me there. here is a picture from that day.


we look so young and happy. i miss that guy. he'll be home soon, come to think of it. hmmph. but this isn't about kevin... this is about ice cream. and really all i want is an ice cream cone. a cone. from some place that doesn't have a drive through window. or sell yogurt. or belong to a chain. i know this is asking for a lot in chino hills. but COME ON. look how happy i used to be!

finally, indulge me in being a girl for a moment... but i super love this song! it's about me!