we'll leave tomorrow for tomorrow

some times you find yourself on the edge of maybe somethings.

that's where i am these days. for a couple months i've been casually seeing a fellow. casual, casual. and now i'm at the point where it could be something or it could be nothing. i know i don't want nothing. but what i want, what i need and what will happen are usually three different things.

i'm not sure what's going to happen. i'm just along for the ride at this point.

i want to wash my hands, my face and hair with snow

actually, i think the whole washing yourself in snow thing is a really bad idea. anywho, we got a bit of snow this week. i know, i know... more lies, it doesn't snow here. it doesn't snow here, except when it does. and when it does the state shuts down. it's like snow sucks every virginian's will to live. i don't mind though b/c they set me up with a hotel two nights this week so that i could still get to work. yeah you do hotel party. the hotel party mostly involved me either laying in bed not being able to sleep or being asleep during the middle of the day. and we painted our toe nails. so that's a win.

this morning i was thinking about my niece. once upon a time when she was two i took her with me to have lunch with me and one of my friends. i think she sensed that the situation was kind of awkward and instead of crying or something she pretended to be asleep. we sat down for lunch and she just sat there, board stiff with her eyes closed. one time when he got up to refill his drink she half opened her eyes to look at me and then when she spotted him she closed them again. it was the funniest thing in the entire world to me. that at such a young age she was able to recognize awkwardness and decided the best option was just to bow out.

i wish sometimes that i could just do what she did. ha. awkward situation? oh wait i'm asleep, i'll wake up when you decide to go away. i feel like that would make life a little easier. my problem is that my brain typically shuts down when i'm in an uncomfortable situation. i'm unable to process any new information, unable to use words, unable to function. it's really just terrible. it would probably be more understandable for the other person if i did just pretend to me asleep. at least then the other person would be like oh she is asleep instead being like oh what happened to elaina's brain?

this is part of the reason i hate when people ask me what i'm thinking. you ask me what i'm thinking and instantly i have no words.

thems the breaks i guess. i'm hoping to have a go at the second half of a conversation that happened earlier this week that i mostly just watched in an out-of-body-esque experience. oh life!

the perfect man

today at work my buddy was making fun of me and he said 'you love manly men. all you want in a man is for him to be wearing a flannel shirt and to have a beard!' and then there was a pause while his wheels were spinning...

and then he shouted 'i know who your perfect man is!'

'al borland!'

i will not deny that i love a good manly man.

anywho, i'm not totally sure how i'm still awake. anne's flight yesterday was canceled b/c she was supposed to fly through chicago but she got on a flight for this morning and to get to the airport on time i woke up a little after 4:30. when i opened the door of the house i said aw man is it raining and anne let me know that it definitely was not raining. oh no, my friends, it was snowing. so anyway, after an extra stressful drive to the airport i went to the gym to work out for a bit but really to use the shower.

the shower experience was a bit of a let down b/c the water was luke warm. not the greatest feeling on a snowy monday morning. anyway, after that i head back to my house to finish getting ready for work. i flat ironed my hair for about an hour. i think it took an abnormal amount of time b/c i was half asleep. eventually i pulled it together in time to sit on the freeway, attempting to battle the other drivers and the snow. the 15 minute drive took about 45 but it wasn't all that bad. it seemed to go back pretty quickly. i think i spent a lot of time talking to myself.

work was busy but i survived. we got free breakfast. that's always a win. i mostly just spent the day at my computer busily banging away at contracts and emails and mounds and mounds of paperwork. exciting stuff.

after work i got in a really nasty mood. partially b/c of my tiredness and partially b/c of my current inner conflict regarding the thing with the stuff and the pants. i decided the thing most likely to prevent me from spending the evening weeping was another trip to the gym. so i went there for an hour or so this evening.

then i began the journey out to kimy's. the refuge for those who seek clean dishes, laundry and not showering in gyms. on the way i stopped at target b/c i thought of the perfect gift for jon. unfortunately they didn't have any of the pieces that i needed for the gift. another unfortunate thing was i was so tired i has lost any capacity for rational thought. i spent an hour or so aimlessly wandering the store before picking up some laundry detergent and cheddar cheese and deciding it was probably best to leave.

i got to the house and realized it was after ten and i hadn't eaten dinner and was ready for a melt down. i tried eating left over mac and cheese but it tasted like death. then i decided to have nutella on bread. but when i went to get the nutella out of the jar it was solid b/c it had been in my car in the snow all day. i decided to put the jar in the microwave.

dumb.

it's in there for about two second and BAM flashes of light and my brain goes 'LIGHTNING!' luckily my hands work without my brain and i popped the microwave open before i started a fire. some times i'm surprised by my brains automatic reactions to things.

for example, one time i was driving from california to arizona and in the road there was a chunk of blown out tire but my brain goes 'ALIGATOR' and i swerved. for whatever reason my brain decided that the thing most likely to be in the road in the desert in arizona was an aligator. right.

or in my apartment complex in san diego there were a lot of stray cats. one night i was taking at the trash and as i tossed the bag in the dumpster, a cat came flying out. i throw my arms in the air and instead of yelling on expletive, i shouted 'CATS!' i was glad that no one was there to witness that.

ok definitely time for some sleep. here's to hoping for no more snow!

all in a day

dear life,
i never know what to expect from you. thanks for being awesome.
elaina

here is an account of my saturday.

i wake up ridiculously early (aka 7 AM), get dressed and head to the gym. i work on my fitness b/c that's what brings me happiness. i just love going to the gym. the workout just brings a certain amount of clarity to my brain. helps me recenter and make sure my head is facing the correct direction.

after the gym, i went home to take a shower and that was a no-go b/c the water in the house is now coming out gray and i'm not too keen on showering in dirt. so i text messaged my buddy that i was meeting for breakfast and asked if he would be ashamed to eat breakfast with an unshowered person. luckily he said it was fine and i headed over to dots. dots is a cute little local diner that was once featured on the show diners, drive-ins and dives on the food network. i had french toast that was delicious. better than the french toast was being able to talk to jim about life. he's a great friend and i appreciate being able to talk to someone and not feel like they're being judgemental about the things i'm saying. also i know he will call me out if i'm being a nutter and start saying things like 'love beard.'

after breakfast i went back to the gym to shower. the shower at the gym is a magical place. there is an endless supply of clean, hot water. additionally, you can pick up tips for the best things to do while visiting st kitts island.

from what i hear on the streets, or actually the shower, it's a beautiful island where the people are extremely trusting of tourists, don't steal your change from your hotel and don't beg like they do in jamaica. also, if you go to the interior of the island there is a mountain you can stand on and get an amazing view of the island and the ocean. also, there is a marriott there that is brand new, all inclusive and fabulous.

i want to go to there.

a couple hours later, anne and i started our journey to the nation's capital. i love the dc. with all my heart. we started the journey with our usual good times in the car. i have the most fun with anne, always. we get to the furthest south metro station where we met up with my hockey ticket supplier, kevin. we get into kevin's car, do the exchange and he kindly offered to drive us into the city. after a bit of driving around the city lost, we found the museum we were looking for... the national building museum.

we get inside and there was some sort of winter wonderland going on. we were a little confused by the number of christmas trees and lights and people but we continued our journey to the exhibit anne wanted to see. so we're walking through the second level and we pass a table with a stack of donuts, which, obviously i was surprised to see. i mean, who just puts out a plate of donuts in a museum. at this point i decide it would be a good idea to point this out and loudly i say 'look, there are donuts!' at which point anne sees this:

yes, ladies and gentlemen, will schuester of glee fame. smirking and then shrugging at my donut comment and then quickly walking away as if to say 'hey what a dork! she's all excited about donuts and a famous person is standing right here. loser.' at this point anne turns to me and is like 'that was mr schu!' and i'm just like, what? i was looking at donuts i missed it! here's mr schu 2 feet from me and i'm too busy checking out his donuts to notice. we continue on to the exhibit which was really cool and then we hear it. mr schu singing us christmas songs. he was there to film some christmas special for tnt. so i got to see him after all. i got to see him and hear him singing 'come all ye faithful' my favorite christmas song. shortly after that we were not too nicely tossed from the museum. thems the breaks.

after the museum we started a quest to find some indian food and on the way we stumbled upon a street market. i bought a delicious cookie. two pieces of short bread with jelly filling and powdered sugar. the top piece of short bread had a bell cut in it for the jelly to poke through and some how the powdered sugar didn't get on the jelly bell. so good.

the market basically ended at the front door of the indian restaurant. so good. the food was fabulous. they have the best lamb and oooh rice pudding. it was a delicious meal. man, i love indian food.

next stop was the caps game. ok first, i'm just going to let you know the caps lost. we were robbed but whatever, it happens. the game was an absolute blast. we were playing colorado. we recently traded one of our players for one of theirs. it was an extremely tense game that involved lots of fighting and yelling and everything that is good about hockey. they have this new thing where they drop shirts from the ceiling on little parachutes. it was amazing. just like the hunger games. we even got to see knuble score his 250th career goal. knuuuuuuble.

overall it was a magical day. it's not every day you get mocked by a celebrity.

i'm sorry dave. i'm afraid i can't do that.

so i've unplugged from the network. facebook that is. i've kept the account b/c of the ridiculous amounts of photos i have stored there. once i can manage to back those all up some where else, i'm sure i will pull the plug for good. i just got tired of checking it and wasting time, blah blah blah. so like everything i do, it's all or nothing and i've decided on nothing.

free at last.

caps beat the blues tonight. 4-1. i was listening to the game on nhl radio. i had muted the sound while i was talking to my sister on the phone and when i turned it back on it was just the sound of people skating and taking shots. it's like one of those recordings of the ocean that people listen to for help falling asleep. except instead of the ocean it's hockey. that brings me joy.

so the other day i was talking to some friends about celebrity crushes. when i was a wee one i was in looooove with


alan thicke. which is odd b/c i don't much care for canadians. but i guess when you're 4 you don't know a lot about america's hat and you're willing to settle.

as i got a little older, 5, i moved on to bigger, better, bearded dudes.


that's right. commander will riker, ladies and gentlemen. i was so sad when riker married troy. totally not fair. if i had been, uhhmm 30 years older and on the starship enterprise, this man would totally have been my husband. riker and me... we're just two ships in the night i guess. to this day i'm still enamored with any man who can grow a beard like my riker. i think it's a sign of manliness... and galactic domination.

over the last year or so i developed a great love for the one and only


alec baldwin. i must say, alec has really come into his own over the last few years. and there's just something about his tv power that i love. also, you have to admit, the man has amazing hair. amazing.

as of late my love has gone in a full canadian circle.


mike knuble of the washington capitals. according to wikipedia he is a canadian american so i'm pretty sure that means he just wants to be american. sure, he's no ovi or semin but has a finesse that you just can't deny. and to be perfectly frank, ovi scares me a bit.

bro is pretty much a beast who eats hockey players for dinner. i'll wear the shirt with his name on it but i hope i don't ever actually meet him.

in other news i had a fabulous thanksgiving. spent the holiday weekend in north carolina with one of my bestest friends of all time. we had a lovely turkey dinner and did some black friday shopping and spent a copious amount of time watching movies. it really was a fabulous holiday and i feel lucky that i got to spend it with such an awesome friend.

she introduced me to the show 'extras.' i totally love it. ricky gervais is a genius. i don't know how a person gets to be that funny. favorite line of all time "bye, nerd." i could spend another weekend just watching that show.

did yoga tonight. i didn't like it as much as the yoga / tai chi / pilates class i took. that felt like a real workout. yoga is kind of weird and i constantly feel like my boobs are going to suffocate me. at any rate i will probably go again if the dude makes me b/c that's the kind of girl i am. personally, i'd much rather try out a spin class.