and as for me, ahhh you'll see

i was just looking at the pictures from cici's birthday party over the weekend and suddenly all the things that seemed so hugely wrong with my little universe don't matter so much. i love my family very much and i miss them. i hope to some day have a daughter with as much spunk and sense of humor. she really is a special little girl!

in other news, work was an up and down, up and down day. i promise i go there every day with the intention of being happy. actually i go there praying that things will go well, that i won't be overwhelmed, that i will be calm and understanding. i go with good intentions and the desire to work and take care of the things that need to be done. anywho, today started off pretty good. james gave me a dog that i named jim 2.

he can wag his tail, bark and walk forward and backward. pretty amazing. and his fur is really soft.

i had a series of interesting things happen. booked quite a few events, did a good job with that. got in a fight with a manager b/c he says i'm mean and i told him it's just b/c he is annoying and a baby. had some of the other special events people ask me if i had gotten my prize yet... which is 6 weeks late now and of course i haven't.

anyway, work ended on a frustrating note. it's a really long story that would take ages to explain but the short version is what i do isn't important. i mean, i've always known that what i do isn't important... i plan parties in an arcade... it's nothing great... but today it was clear that what i do isn't even important to the company i work for. ::sigh:: i used to enjoy this job. i might even say i used to love it. and not even that long ago. 6 months ago! a year ago i was putting in 50 hour work weeks, working hard, wanting to be there. now they're lucky if i'm there 30 hours and it becomes more and more difficult to care about anything that goes on there. when i had my review a couple weeks back i told my boss that if my job was to stop being there tomorrow i wouldn't care one bit. i think he was taken aback. but that's life.

the silver lining, i called my boss and confronted him on it within an hour. that's a much quicker turn around for me. that's some serious progress on my communication skills, so at least there's that. he's supposed to get back to me tomorrow with an answer. i don't care if they change their minds b/c at this point it isn't about the thing that happened, it's about the job in general.

the only thing keeping me here at this point is that i'm in a lease until march. march is a long time from now and you never know what can happen in that time but i know i can't keep doing this forever... living my life like this.

tonight we watched spice world. funny story, we were attempting to find a copy of spice world on saturday night and i called best buy and asked if they had it and the lady laughed at me and asked if i was serious. it was pretty much the suck. luckily barnes and noble had it. i will always love the spice girls. always.

i taught sunday school for the first time yesterday. it went well. nothing over the top crazy. i'm teaching next sunday as well... on the gathering of israel. we'll see how that goes! i have a partner that i teach the class with. we rotate weeks of teaching. he seems like he's a pretty cool guy and i'm looking forward to teaching with him. here's to hoping it all goes well. after the class was over i felt grossly inadequate but all you can do is keep learning and growing, right? i feel like in the past i taught on more of softer, subjective information and this class is strictly doctrine. it's a little daunting to know that you're teaching doctrine to people who, for the large part, have never heard it before. it's a lot of responsibility and it has been weighing heavily on my heart the last couple days. i am grateful for the opportunity to teach though... to teach and to learn.

on a final note, i had someone ask me if my blog about needing to have a tough conversation with someone was about them and it wasn't but they had been worried it was. in case anyone is in that same boat, if you're reading this it wasn't about you.