thinking things

i bought a carton of chocolate milk and i have been drinking it straight from the container.  because i'm probably a time traveler.  at the very least i'm a big believer in cutting out the middle man in the chocolate milk delivery cycle.

i've been thinking about starting a hobby but whenever i try to figure that out i get tired and just read instead.  some times i think i'd like to start doing stand up and that makes all sorts of weird butterfly things happen in my stomach which makes me both terrified and excited.  terrified and excited is basically the only way i ever want to feel.  but it's difficult to sustain the feeling of terricited b/c eventually you do what it is you're thinking about and you either die or it becomes un-terriciting.  heres to chasing the fleeting feeling of terricitement. 

for me this is part of the draw of dating and the early stages of relationships.  b/c at any moment it could turn out the one of you is a murderer or has a habit of constantly asking for nudes even though you've explained you don't do that or only eats peanut butter.  you just never know what's around the corner as you start to get to know someone.  this is both the terrifying and exciting part of meeting new people and opening your world to them.  because we're all insane.

there are times when i wish i could un-know something about someone.  it's not so bad if something is told to you second hand like once i was told that one of my coworkers has an obsession with wearing diapers.  which is weird enough to be true but weird enough that i can definitely pretend that it absolutely is not true.  worse is when you learn it first hand.  like when someone tells you they don't believe in dinosaurs.  or that they don't like to read.  or you find out that someone's safe word during sex is pikachu.  these are things you can never unlearn and you have to face them armed with that knowledge every time you look into their eyes.

knowledge is power, am i right?

speaking of power, can we take a moment to talk about the fact that i'm still in love with commander riker?  my love of charming men with brown hair stems from my love of riker.  it's been years and i'm still chasing that riker dream.  charming mean with brown hair and a little power.  that's all i'm looking for at this point.  spread the word.