did it all for the cookie

this is a story of something that happened today at work and i'm being lazy, so here is the cut and paste version from a previous sharing...

So last week at work my manager was talking to this girl and they were talking about needing a place to store gift cards and the girl was saying that he could use one of the cookie boxes for it. That was when I walked in and I was like 'umm is cookie box what you call your tummy, because that's where you keep all your cookies?' Anyway, it turned into this thing that we would call our stomach cookie boxes.

My manager walks in today and is like yeah you can't say cookie box anymore. And I was like what why. And he says well I was talking to my friend and I told him I need to get something to put in my cookie box and his friend was like what the hell, why would you say that?? And he was like what, that's what I call my stomach now and his friend was like no, you need to look up cookie box on urban dictionary.

Turns out it's a slang term for vagina.
 
So my manager told his friend that he needed to get something to put in his vagina.

and then i about passed out from laughing so hard.  gah, i don't think that story will ever stop being funny to me.

july times

i've been clean of soda for a week now.  a week, you fools.  i've also been off meat for, uhmm, let me count, FIFTEEN MONTHS.  i'm basically a champion of justice at this point.  no big deal, except yes, very big deal.

i'm super in love with the lego movie.  if you haven't seen it yet, stop reading this and go watch it right now.  i'll wait.

ok, so totally awesome right?  tonight i was out having a walk about and i came across this family who was all singing everything is awesome and it was the best moment of the day.  BOOM. everything is awesome, everything is cool when you're part of a team.

I DON'T WANT TO GO TO WORK TOMORROW.  i both hate and love my job at the same time. getting out of bed and getting dressed and going to work is the absolute worst but being at work isn't so bad and then driving home is, again, the worst.  maybe i should try living closer to work or something.  hmmm.  work is pretty entertaining and when i decide i want to be in charge of something, they just let me be in charge.  which is unusual but it works out for me because i like pushing people around.

i was trying to use the internet to learn about greek mythology just now and mostly it was like hey here's old fashioned pictures of naked dudes.  i didn't learn anything about mythology because i was pretty distracted.

THERE IS A COMMERCIAL ON TV ABOUT PUPPY MILLS AND NOW I WANT TO DIE.

hey y'all you should watch bob's burgers.  it's a funny cartoon.  cartoons are awesome, amirite?

oh man, guys, i am so hydrated right now.  take that soda!

alright, i'm going to try to get back into the habit of updating this thing.  you're welcome.

little pumpkin face

so, here's a tiny story:

yesterday i was watching halloween wars and they were carving up some giant pumpkins and i thought to myself, 'man, i wish i could just live in one of those pumpkins.  that would be awesome.'  and then i was like dang, elaina, why do you think such weird things all the time?

aaaaand then today my friend messaged me and said "Can I live in a house made out of an old pumpkin?"

i may be weird but at least i know i'm not alone.

PUZZA.

meat part 2

this is the interview that convinced me not to eat meat.  maybe you'd like to listen to it too!

or if you'd like to learn more about factory farming click here.

good luck!

the problem with music these days, as i see it

 i think the problem with music these days is that there isn't enough trumpet.  why isn't anyone capitalizing on the trumpet?!?  i love me some trumpet.



and i've always loved this song:



and, finally, this is my favorite song of all time:

nice to meat you

i have successfully survived 2 meals as a vegan.  now everyone cheer for me!

i suppose i'm fully back to being a californian because i'm doing things like saying 'i'm a vegan' now.  how did this happen?  because i know, i know... it seems very out of character if you've known me for at least a couple years.  but here is what has been happening... I'M GETTING OLD.  about a year ago i basically stopped being able to digest meat.  mostly red meat but sometimes any meat.  so i stopped eating most meat except things like chicken and bacon and some times i would be like SCREW IT I'M JUST GOING TO BE SICK and i would go to in n out and then spend the next three hours crying.

so this weekend i was driving up the 5 to san jose.  and i saw what can only be described as a sea of cows. 

this is what it looks like... for MILES

 i've seen this before but this time it was especially disturbing and i thought 'GROSS GO AWAY I NEVER WANT EAT THAT AGAIN.' and then i remembered how when i lived in virginia i would some times get trapped behind the chicken truck and it was disgusting and chickens are sad and disgusting and i was all 'elaina we aren't eating meat any more it is gross and sad.'

and that lasted basically until my next meal when i kind of forgot that i had decided animals were gross.

anyway sunday i went out to dinner with dan and his girlfriend ling.

dan ate this fish (including it's eyeballs) but that's besides the point

ling has recently decided she was going to be a vegetarian but still eat eggs and dairy and fish and some times chicken but she doesn't really want to do that but i think maybe dan made her (i was on a lot of cold medicine and may not have understood exactly what was going on).  anyway i told them about how cows and chickens are gross and then we all were just kind of like yeeeeah and i felt sad that i had just eaten a duck (ducks are terrible and should die but i don't want to eat them even if they are delicious.  why are ducks terrible?  because they are always trying to kill each other's babies.  these are the terrible things that you learn when you work in a jungle.  yes, yes i know far worse things happen in a real jungle... but the worst thing that happens in my jungle is that some jerk dude duck drowns ducklings in front of children and the only thing we can do is stand there and be horrified.)

anyway, i was driving home from san jose today and i got tuned in to a local npr station and the lady told me all about how terrible factory farms are (which is what the cow sea was that i passed).  the woman drew parallels between rape culture and factory farms and made some really great points that i would never have thought about.  she really approached the subject from lots of different perspectives... like you should hate factory farms if any one of the following applies to you: 1. you like animals 2. you respect women 3. you like the environment 4. you care about small businesses.  anyway, i thought it was really smart of her to not just play on one aspect of it but TO GET US ALL AT ONE TIME. 

and the idea of cows being raped really just makes me sad and i don't want to be apart of that.  and i know i'm treading into the land of extra crazy but seriously the idea of taking advantage of some poor animals reproduction really makes me sad in my heart.  so eggs and milk are kind of creeping me out right now.

the moral of the story is, i'm going to try my hardest to be a vegan and you should all be nice and support me and send encouraging thoughts and yummy recipes and i'll let you know how it goes.

also, consider being part of meatless mondays.  one day a week can really make a big difference.  they said some statistic on the radio today and i don't remember what it was so i'm going to make one up that sounds about the same... if everyone in the US cut out meat and dairy one day a week for a year it would have the same impact as if we drove 90,000,000 less miles that year.

and one final note:

"i know, like 5 chickens had to die for her to look that stupid."

work, work, work

i went running tonight for the first time in like forever.  i'm pretty sure the last time i went was over the summer.  i was surprised how far i was able to go before the chest exploding began.  i guess the gym-ing is paying off.  or maybe the bike riding. i really do love running while i'm doing it.  it reminds me how freaking awesome my body is.  i'm pretty sure my body is made up of 80% legs.  80% legs and 20% boobs.  yes, that seems about right.

a few weeks ago i hit my one year mark with disneyland.  it's been an interesting year with lots of learning and changes and good times.  my plan for the next year is to continue to work at the jungle and to go back to school for massage, finally.  and generally, just to enjoy living life.

here is a list of the best dating advice i've gotten lately:
* say yes a lot
* don't be weird, you weirdo
* just be the strong, confident, black woman i know you are

needless to say, dating has been awesome. (i think maybe my friends want me to be single forever...or maybe i just have zero clue about how dating works)

i went to idaho a few weeks back.  there were potatoes.  and we went geocaching and mostly found dead bees.  and it snowed... TWICE.  kurg gave us a tour of some green houses.

a potato picture... because "pictures or you're no better than ginny weasley"

i go back to virginia for a visit in one month.  BE JEALOUS!

and lastly, listen to this and dance, y'all!