i bought a carton of chocolate milk and i have been drinking it straight from the container. because i'm probably a time traveler. at the very least i'm a big believer in cutting out the middle man in the chocolate milk delivery cycle.
i've been thinking about starting a hobby but whenever i try to figure that out i get tired and just read instead. some times i think i'd like to start doing stand up and that makes all sorts of weird butterfly things happen in my stomach which makes me both terrified and excited. terrified and excited is basically the only way i ever want to feel. but it's difficult to sustain the feeling of terricited b/c eventually you do what it is you're thinking about and you either die or it becomes un-terriciting. heres to chasing the fleeting feeling of terricitement.
for me this is part of the draw of dating and the early stages of relationships. b/c at any moment it could turn out the one of you is a murderer or has a habit of constantly asking for nudes even though you've explained you don't do that or only eats peanut butter. you just never know what's around the corner as you start to get to know someone. this is both the terrifying and exciting part of meeting new people and opening your world to them. because we're all insane.
there are times when i wish i could un-know something about someone. it's not so bad if something is told to you second hand like once i was told that one of my coworkers has an obsession with wearing diapers. which is weird enough to be true but weird enough that i can definitely pretend that it absolutely is not true. worse is when you learn it first hand. like when someone tells you they don't believe in dinosaurs. or that they don't like to read. or you find out that someone's safe word during sex is pikachu. these are things you can never unlearn and you have to face them armed with that knowledge every time you look into their eyes.
knowledge is power, am i right?
speaking of power, can we take a moment to talk about the fact that i'm still in love with commander riker? my love of charming men with brown hair stems from my love of riker. it's been years and i'm still chasing that riker dream. charming mean with brown hair and a little power. that's all i'm looking for at this point. spread the word.
Wednesday, April 29, 2015
Thursday, April 9, 2015
plenty of fish and other things like whales and coral
hey guys, remember when i was a vegetarian for like two years b/c i was angry about cow rape? just thought we should all remember that for a bit.
anywho, today i was reminded that i live in a sitcom. sometimes i forget that i'm living in a sitcom and i think maybe i'm just a normal person and then something ridiculous happens and i'm like oh right, i remember this.
a little less than a year ago i went on a date with a man i had met on eharmony. i didn't want to go on the date with him b/c that day he had text messaged me and in the message he called me ELAINE which is my all time least favorite thing to be called. i'd rather you were just like hey crapbag than call me elaine. so i'm totally not feeling the date b/c this sucker called me elaine and i found out that day that he didn't have brown hair (which is a ridiculously huge thing for me... also you're probably right now thinking to yourself, ah yes self, i totally see now why elaina is single, yes, yes, it finally makes sense). but i went through with it anyway. to my recollection it was a perfectly adequate evening but i had no intention of following up with him and would probably only say sure if asked to go out again.
but i wasn't asked. never heard from him again and definitely felt like that was the best outcome for all parties.
flash forward to the present. a couple of days ago i decided i wanted to see what plenty of fish was about b/c my friend maria is trying it and she seemed to say that it was both ok and terrible at the same time and for whatever reason that got me really curious about what goes on there. i love things that on the positive side are just ok and on the negative side are terrible. i want to see what those odds are like!
so i sign up for an account, upload a few pictures, write a sentence or two for the bio (which i think just says "i like books and bicycles, lets be friends"... totally the most accurate bio that was ever written) and then the waiting begins. you start getting messages from mostly weirdos who say creepy things. or weirdos who send you form emails. or weirdos who don't remember they already went on a date with you and that it did not end well.
i kid you not, this morning i look at my phone and there's a message from this dude, saying hey how was your weekend. and i thought oh weird, he found me again i guess i'll say hello. long story short, turns out he didn't remember me and i had to be like uuum we've already met and gone out and it was not great, sooooo...
sooooo... lets continue chatting b/c now there is no easy way out of this conversation unless i just want to delete the thing from my phone which really does seem like the best course of action at this point. however knowing my luck i will definitely run into this man again. and he will probably hit on me without realizing who i am and i will have to once again say 'hey, no! remember? YOU DON'T LIKE ME.'
and i really hate reminding people that they don't like me.
the good news is that clearly he doesn't like me b/c of my personality (since he contacted me again based on pictures) and it's a lot easier for me to accept rejection based on my personality b/c that just means he's wrong b/c i'm AWESOME and he can just go and being single with his wrongness.
in conclusion, plenty of fish: it's both ok and terrible. try it out!
anywho, today i was reminded that i live in a sitcom. sometimes i forget that i'm living in a sitcom and i think maybe i'm just a normal person and then something ridiculous happens and i'm like oh right, i remember this.
a little less than a year ago i went on a date with a man i had met on eharmony. i didn't want to go on the date with him b/c that day he had text messaged me and in the message he called me ELAINE which is my all time least favorite thing to be called. i'd rather you were just like hey crapbag than call me elaine. so i'm totally not feeling the date b/c this sucker called me elaine and i found out that day that he didn't have brown hair (which is a ridiculously huge thing for me... also you're probably right now thinking to yourself, ah yes self, i totally see now why elaina is single, yes, yes, it finally makes sense). but i went through with it anyway. to my recollection it was a perfectly adequate evening but i had no intention of following up with him and would probably only say sure if asked to go out again.
but i wasn't asked. never heard from him again and definitely felt like that was the best outcome for all parties.
flash forward to the present. a couple of days ago i decided i wanted to see what plenty of fish was about b/c my friend maria is trying it and she seemed to say that it was both ok and terrible at the same time and for whatever reason that got me really curious about what goes on there. i love things that on the positive side are just ok and on the negative side are terrible. i want to see what those odds are like!
so i sign up for an account, upload a few pictures, write a sentence or two for the bio (which i think just says "i like books and bicycles, lets be friends"... totally the most accurate bio that was ever written) and then the waiting begins. you start getting messages from mostly weirdos who say creepy things. or weirdos who send you form emails. or weirdos who don't remember they already went on a date with you and that it did not end well.
i kid you not, this morning i look at my phone and there's a message from this dude, saying hey how was your weekend. and i thought oh weird, he found me again i guess i'll say hello. long story short, turns out he didn't remember me and i had to be like uuum we've already met and gone out and it was not great, sooooo...
sooooo... lets continue chatting b/c now there is no easy way out of this conversation unless i just want to delete the thing from my phone which really does seem like the best course of action at this point. however knowing my luck i will definitely run into this man again. and he will probably hit on me without realizing who i am and i will have to once again say 'hey, no! remember? YOU DON'T LIKE ME.'
and i really hate reminding people that they don't like me.
the good news is that clearly he doesn't like me b/c of my personality (since he contacted me again based on pictures) and it's a lot easier for me to accept rejection based on my personality b/c that just means he's wrong b/c i'm AWESOME and he can just go and being single with his wrongness.
in conclusion, plenty of fish: it's both ok and terrible. try it out!
Sunday, March 29, 2015
my friend john
i haven't exactly been great at the new year's goal of updating this once a week. i could come up with a flurry of excuses but excuses are a dime a dozen and don't quote me the price if i haven't got the time. am i right?
i'm in a transitional period in life right now. the last couple months have been pretty miserable. the mind has the incredible power to forget how difficult and painful change can be. for that i am thankful but at the same time whenever i go through a growth period i find myself wondering what this mess is all about.
and then i have days like today when i realize i'm just going through a shake up and getting a new skin and i settle back in. i am very grateful for the people who have stuck through the last couple months with me, whether by choice or because they're forced to. i'm glad to have people who allow me to be sad and intentionally make lousy life choices and then cheer me on when i on occasion decide to be nice.
which brings me to the story of my friend john. john works with me at the timeshare. tomorrow he will be turning 72. today i asked him what year he was born because i was too tired to do math. 1943, he said. in london while the bombing was going on. and then they moved to south africa because his father knew the economy would be too big of a mess after the war if they stayed. when he was around 12 they returned to london but left when his mother got rheumatism. that's when they made the move to australia. he was around 14. they started on one side of the country but after a few months his father decided to move the family across the country to just south of sydney. he remembers sitting at the back of the train with his father and looking out over the 100 of miles of straight track and seeing masses of kangaroos running away from the train as they traveled across the outback.
do you know about the animals in australia, he asked me today. not really, i told him. and he told me about snakes that live in the water and can kill you. spiders that set traps and pull beetles down the trap door. a lizard that will bite you and every year for the rest of your life the mark will return for a couple weeks for no reason at all. and the platypus. with it's weird face. and it's weird feet. and it's weird desire to live in a house made of sticks on the water.
they had to survive, so they got weird, he said.
they had to survive, so they got weird. one of life's great truths. we have to survive, so we get weird. we make it work. we adapt, we change, we become something different and new. something we never dreamed of being. and we build our house of sticks on the water with our weird faces and feet.
a couple weeks ago john said we were going to go out and tell each other jokes. this invitation has been the highlight of my month and i hope it actually happens and soon. but i'm definitely going to need to come up with a list of good jokes before then. i wouldn't want to let him down. it is the moments like that, when i realize i've made a real connection with someone, that i feel that maybe things aren't really as pointless as they sometimes seem.
so here's to change and to growing and to getting weird.
i'm in a transitional period in life right now. the last couple months have been pretty miserable. the mind has the incredible power to forget how difficult and painful change can be. for that i am thankful but at the same time whenever i go through a growth period i find myself wondering what this mess is all about.
and then i have days like today when i realize i'm just going through a shake up and getting a new skin and i settle back in. i am very grateful for the people who have stuck through the last couple months with me, whether by choice or because they're forced to. i'm glad to have people who allow me to be sad and intentionally make lousy life choices and then cheer me on when i on occasion decide to be nice.
which brings me to the story of my friend john. john works with me at the timeshare. tomorrow he will be turning 72. today i asked him what year he was born because i was too tired to do math. 1943, he said. in london while the bombing was going on. and then they moved to south africa because his father knew the economy would be too big of a mess after the war if they stayed. when he was around 12 they returned to london but left when his mother got rheumatism. that's when they made the move to australia. he was around 14. they started on one side of the country but after a few months his father decided to move the family across the country to just south of sydney. he remembers sitting at the back of the train with his father and looking out over the 100 of miles of straight track and seeing masses of kangaroos running away from the train as they traveled across the outback.
do you know about the animals in australia, he asked me today. not really, i told him. and he told me about snakes that live in the water and can kill you. spiders that set traps and pull beetles down the trap door. a lizard that will bite you and every year for the rest of your life the mark will return for a couple weeks for no reason at all. and the platypus. with it's weird face. and it's weird feet. and it's weird desire to live in a house made of sticks on the water.
they had to survive, so they got weird, he said.
they had to survive, so they got weird. one of life's great truths. we have to survive, so we get weird. we make it work. we adapt, we change, we become something different and new. something we never dreamed of being. and we build our house of sticks on the water with our weird faces and feet.
a couple weeks ago john said we were going to go out and tell each other jokes. this invitation has been the highlight of my month and i hope it actually happens and soon. but i'm definitely going to need to come up with a list of good jokes before then. i wouldn't want to let him down. it is the moments like that, when i realize i've made a real connection with someone, that i feel that maybe things aren't really as pointless as they sometimes seem.
so here's to change and to growing and to getting weird.
Friday, January 16, 2015
meow
things have been busy busy. it's always way more difficult to update when things are busy. anywho, brittany and family came to visit and it was awesome. we had lots of fun going to disneyland and having adventures.
laura is back from florida. YAY. FRIEND. i don't know that a whole lot more than that matters.
things happen in life. and they make you realize how lucky you are. NO EXPLANATION. figure it out yourself.
i ate umami burger tonight and it was delicious and i'm happy. my burger had bacon nuggets and it was fabulous. speaking of fabulous, it's almost time for ru paul's drag race to come back.. BOOM.
my feet are all blistery and terrible from trying to break in shoes while doing pretend tours around disneyland. that doesn't seem like real life but it is. get out my face, yo.
LAURA IS BACK.
laura is back from florida. YAY. FRIEND. i don't know that a whole lot more than that matters.
things happen in life. and they make you realize how lucky you are. NO EXPLANATION. figure it out yourself.
i ate umami burger tonight and it was delicious and i'm happy. my burger had bacon nuggets and it was fabulous. speaking of fabulous, it's almost time for ru paul's drag race to come back.. BOOM.
my feet are all blistery and terrible from trying to break in shoes while doing pretend tours around disneyland. that doesn't seem like real life but it is. get out my face, yo.
LAURA IS BACK.
Saturday, January 3, 2015
happy new year
happy new year everybody!
alright my 15 for 2015...
1. learn to juggle...finally
2. update the blog weekly
3. give 1 random gift a month
4. find a place to volunteer
5. learn to cook 12 new dishes
6. learn to play chess
7. write thank you cards
8. learn to cross stitch
9. ride my bike some place new
10. have a picnic
11. tour a winery
12. visit the east coast
13. buy something off craigslist
14. have fondue
15. get a passport
so as part of goal number 2, here we are.
today i completed day 1 of my 7 day stretch at work. i stopped working in attractions over a year ago so i am no longer used to working stretches that are longer than 5 days. perspective, amirite? anyway day 1 is done and i'm ready to throw in the towel. probably check in with me on day 7 to make sure i haven't murdered anyone.
monday i start my train the trainer program for traditions. i am really ridiculously excited but also already totally exhausted.
22 days until i go to hawaii. 23 days until my birthday.
BIRTHDAY. i'm going to be 3-1. 31. in my thirties. thirty something. i was super prepared for turning 30 because i had been saying i was 30 for years. i never prepared myself for what happens after 30 and i'm kind of freaking out.
all of friends was released on netflix yesterday. what if that is the highlight of 2015?!? gah. lets all make this year awesome so that's not true.
highlights of 2014
- going to club 33 and having richard sherman sing for me
- meeting john lasseter and having him tell me jokes on the jungle cruise
- auditioning for traditions and all the help i received to get ready. including one-on-ones that helped change my perspective on life
- keeping in touch with my florida training buddies
- being selected for the traditions team
- being healthy, happy and extraordinarily lucky
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alright my 15 for 2015...
1. learn to juggle...finally
2. update the blog weekly
3. give 1 random gift a month
4. find a place to volunteer
5. learn to cook 12 new dishes
6. learn to play chess
7. write thank you cards
8. learn to cross stitch
9. ride my bike some place new
10. have a picnic
11. tour a winery
12. visit the east coast
13. buy something off craigslist
14. have fondue
15. get a passport
so as part of goal number 2, here we are.
today i completed day 1 of my 7 day stretch at work. i stopped working in attractions over a year ago so i am no longer used to working stretches that are longer than 5 days. perspective, amirite? anyway day 1 is done and i'm ready to throw in the towel. probably check in with me on day 7 to make sure i haven't murdered anyone.
monday i start my train the trainer program for traditions. i am really ridiculously excited but also already totally exhausted.
22 days until i go to hawaii. 23 days until my birthday.
BIRTHDAY. i'm going to be 3-1. 31. in my thirties. thirty something. i was super prepared for turning 30 because i had been saying i was 30 for years. i never prepared myself for what happens after 30 and i'm kind of freaking out.
all of friends was released on netflix yesterday. what if that is the highlight of 2015?!? gah. lets all make this year awesome so that's not true.
highlights of 2014
- going to club 33 and having richard sherman sing for me
- meeting john lasseter and having him tell me jokes on the jungle cruise
- auditioning for traditions and all the help i received to get ready. including one-on-ones that helped change my perspective on life
- keeping in touch with my florida training buddies
- being selected for the traditions team
- being healthy, happy and extraordinarily lucky
Sunday, August 10, 2014
a little of this, a little of sweat.
guys, my legs have been hurting so much lately, i think maybe i'm going through a growth spurt. HOW CRAZY WOULD THAT BE?!? it would be crazy and unnecessary but also AWESOME. i kind of secretly hope that is what is happening and it's not just that my legs hate me now. i hope i get to be like 6'2" or 6'3" and that when people accidentally bump into me my boobs will smash them in the face b/c i am a giant.
today at work i was making imaginary tea for this kid and i went through a really long process of asking him how much sugar and whether or not he takes cream and stirring it really well and then i told him to take a sip. and do you know what he did? HE SPIT IT OUT. he spit out imaginary tea and said it was disgusting. what kind of person makes disgusting imaginary tea? why am i so bad at tea?!? and why are four year olds so mean to me? so then i yelled this tea is fabulous and i dumped the tea pot over his head. that entire story is true, except not that last sentence.
i've been going through jungle withdrawals lately. it's no fair that i spend the majority of my time smelling like a normal person instead of sweat and gun powder. i also miss working in a place where everyone is all sweaty and not just me. being the lone sweater is basically the worst kind of sweater.
i had a dream last night that i got a raise of an additional $2.50 an hour and it was basically the happiest moment of my life. this is how i know i am poor.
i would also like to record for all prosperity my new life motto: "if you're not sweaty, you're not doing it right." i can no longer remember why jasmine said that but it is the best thing anyone has ever said to me.
this certainly has been a lot of sweat talk. sorry.
also i can never figure out the entire it's vs its thing. TOO HARD.
it's = contraction of it is
its = belongs to it
right? TOO HARD.
today at work i was making imaginary tea for this kid and i went through a really long process of asking him how much sugar and whether or not he takes cream and stirring it really well and then i told him to take a sip. and do you know what he did? HE SPIT IT OUT. he spit out imaginary tea and said it was disgusting. what kind of person makes disgusting imaginary tea? why am i so bad at tea?!? and why are four year olds so mean to me? so then i yelled this tea is fabulous and i dumped the tea pot over his head. that entire story is true, except not that last sentence.
i've been going through jungle withdrawals lately. it's no fair that i spend the majority of my time smelling like a normal person instead of sweat and gun powder. i also miss working in a place where everyone is all sweaty and not just me. being the lone sweater is basically the worst kind of sweater.
i had a dream last night that i got a raise of an additional $2.50 an hour and it was basically the happiest moment of my life. this is how i know i am poor.
i would also like to record for all prosperity my new life motto: "if you're not sweaty, you're not doing it right." i can no longer remember why jasmine said that but it is the best thing anyone has ever said to me.
this certainly has been a lot of sweat talk. sorry.
also i can never figure out the entire it's vs its thing. TOO HARD.
it's = contraction of it is
its = belongs to it
right? TOO HARD.
Sunday, July 27, 2014
did it all for the cookie
this is a story of something that happened today at work and i'm being lazy, so here is the cut and paste version from a previous sharing...
So last week at work my manager was talking to this girl and they were talking about needing a place to store gift cards and the girl was saying that he could use one of the cookie boxes for it. That was when I walked in and I was like 'umm is cookie box what you call your tummy, because that's where you keep all your cookies?' Anyway, it turned into this thing that we would call our stomach cookie boxes.
My manager walks in today and is like yeah you can't say cookie box anymore. And I was like what why. And he says well I was talking to my friend and I told him I need to get something to put in my cookie box and his friend was like what the hell, why would you say that?? And he was like what, that's what I call my stomach now and his friend was like no, you need to look up cookie box on urban dictionary.
Turns out it's a slang term for vagina.
So my manager told his friend that he needed to get something to put in his vagina.
and then i about passed out from laughing so hard. gah, i don't think that story will ever stop being funny to me.
So last week at work my manager was talking to this girl and they were talking about needing a place to store gift cards and the girl was saying that he could use one of the cookie boxes for it. That was when I walked in and I was like 'umm is cookie box what you call your tummy, because that's where you keep all your cookies?' Anyway, it turned into this thing that we would call our stomach cookie boxes.
My manager walks in today and is like yeah you can't say cookie box anymore. And I was like what why. And he says well I was talking to my friend and I told him I need to get something to put in my cookie box and his friend was like what the hell, why would you say that?? And he was like what, that's what I call my stomach now and his friend was like no, you need to look up cookie box on urban dictionary.
Turns out it's a slang term for vagina.
So my manager told his friend that he needed to get something to put in his vagina.
and then i about passed out from laughing so hard. gah, i don't think that story will ever stop being funny to me.
Friday, July 11, 2014
july times
i've been clean of soda for a week now. a week, you fools. i've also been off meat for, uhmm, let me count, FIFTEEN MONTHS. i'm basically a champion of justice at this point. no big deal, except yes, very big deal.
i'm super in love with the lego movie. if you haven't seen it yet, stop reading this and go watch it right now. i'll wait.
ok, so totally awesome right? tonight i was out having a walk about and i came across this family who was all singing everything is awesome and it was the best moment of the day. BOOM. everything is awesome, everything is cool when you're part of a team.
I DON'T WANT TO GO TO WORK TOMORROW. i both hate and love my job at the same time. getting out of bed and getting dressed and going to work is the absolute worst but being at work isn't so bad and then driving home is, again, the worst. maybe i should try living closer to work or something. hmmm. work is pretty entertaining and when i decide i want to be in charge of something, they just let me be in charge. which is unusual but it works out for me because i like pushing people around.
i was trying to use the internet to learn about greek mythology just now and mostly it was like hey here's old fashioned pictures of naked dudes. i didn't learn anything about mythology because i was pretty distracted.
THERE IS A COMMERCIAL ON TV ABOUT PUPPY MILLS AND NOW I WANT TO DIE.
hey y'all you should watch bob's burgers. it's a funny cartoon. cartoons are awesome, amirite?
oh man, guys, i am so hydrated right now. take that soda!
alright, i'm going to try to get back into the habit of updating this thing. you're welcome.
i'm super in love with the lego movie. if you haven't seen it yet, stop reading this and go watch it right now. i'll wait.
ok, so totally awesome right? tonight i was out having a walk about and i came across this family who was all singing everything is awesome and it was the best moment of the day. BOOM. everything is awesome, everything is cool when you're part of a team.
I DON'T WANT TO GO TO WORK TOMORROW. i both hate and love my job at the same time. getting out of bed and getting dressed and going to work is the absolute worst but being at work isn't so bad and then driving home is, again, the worst. maybe i should try living closer to work or something. hmmm. work is pretty entertaining and when i decide i want to be in charge of something, they just let me be in charge. which is unusual but it works out for me because i like pushing people around.
i was trying to use the internet to learn about greek mythology just now and mostly it was like hey here's old fashioned pictures of naked dudes. i didn't learn anything about mythology because i was pretty distracted.
THERE IS A COMMERCIAL ON TV ABOUT PUPPY MILLS AND NOW I WANT TO DIE.
hey y'all you should watch bob's burgers. it's a funny cartoon. cartoons are awesome, amirite?
oh man, guys, i am so hydrated right now. take that soda!
alright, i'm going to try to get back into the habit of updating this thing. you're welcome.
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
little pumpkin face
so, here's a tiny story:
yesterday i was watching halloween wars and they were carving up some giant pumpkins and i thought to myself, 'man, i wish i could just live in one of those pumpkins. that would be awesome.' and then i was like dang, elaina, why do you think such weird things all the time?
aaaaand then today my friend messaged me and said "Can I live in a house made out of an old pumpkin?"
i may be weird but at least i know i'm not alone.
PUZZA.
yesterday i was watching halloween wars and they were carving up some giant pumpkins and i thought to myself, 'man, i wish i could just live in one of those pumpkins. that would be awesome.' and then i was like dang, elaina, why do you think such weird things all the time?
aaaaand then today my friend messaged me and said "Can I live in a house made out of an old pumpkin?"
i may be weird but at least i know i'm not alone.
PUZZA.
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
meat part 2
this is the interview that convinced me not to eat meat. maybe you'd like to listen to it too!
or if you'd like to learn more about factory farming click here.
good luck!
or if you'd like to learn more about factory farming click here.
good luck!
the problem with music these days, as i see it
i think the problem with music these days is that there isn't enough trumpet. why isn't anyone capitalizing on the trumpet?!? i love me some trumpet.
and i've always loved this song:
and, finally, this is my favorite song of all time:
and i've always loved this song:
and, finally, this is my favorite song of all time:
nice to meat you
i have successfully survived 2 meals as a vegan. now everyone cheer for me!
i suppose i'm fully back to being a californian because i'm doing things like saying 'i'm a vegan' now. how did this happen? because i know, i know... it seems very out of character if you've known me for at least a couple years. but here is what has been happening... I'M GETTING OLD. about a year ago i basically stopped being able to digest meat. mostly red meat but sometimes any meat. so i stopped eating most meat except things like chicken and bacon and some times i would be like SCREW IT I'M JUST GOING TO BE SICK and i would go to in n out and then spend the next three hours crying.
so this weekend i was driving up the 5 to san jose. and i saw what can only be described as a sea of cows.
i've seen this before but this time it was especially disturbing and i thought 'GROSS GO AWAY I NEVER WANT EAT THAT AGAIN.' and then i remembered how when i lived in virginia i would some times get trapped behind the chicken truck and it was disgusting and chickens are sad and disgusting and i was all 'elaina we aren't eating meat any more it is gross and sad.'
and that lasted basically until my next meal when i kind of forgot that i had decided animals were gross.
anyway sunday i went out to dinner with dan and his girlfriend ling.
ling has recently decided she was going to be a vegetarian but still eat eggs and dairy and fish and some times chicken but she doesn't really want to do that but i think maybe dan made her (i was on a lot of cold medicine and may not have understood exactly what was going on). anyway i told them about how cows and chickens are gross and then we all were just kind of like yeeeeah and i felt sad that i had just eaten a duck (ducks are terrible and should die but i don't want to eat them even if they are delicious. why are ducks terrible? because they are always trying to kill each other's babies. these are the terrible things that you learn when you work in a jungle. yes, yes i know far worse things happen in a real jungle... but the worst thing that happens in my jungle is that some jerk dude duck drowns ducklings in front of children and the only thing we can do is stand there and be horrified.)
anyway, i was driving home from san jose today and i got tuned in to a local npr station and the lady told me all about how terrible factory farms are (which is what the cow sea was that i passed). the woman drew parallels between rape culture and factory farms and made some really great points that i would never have thought about. she really approached the subject from lots of different perspectives... like you should hate factory farms if any one of the following applies to you: 1. you like animals 2. you respect women 3. you like the environment 4. you care about small businesses. anyway, i thought it was really smart of her to not just play on one aspect of it but TO GET US ALL AT ONE TIME.
and the idea of cows being raped really just makes me sad and i don't want to be apart of that. and i know i'm treading into the land of extra crazy but seriously the idea of taking advantage of some poor animals reproduction really makes me sad in my heart. so eggs and milk are kind of creeping me out right now.
the moral of the story is, i'm going to try my hardest to be a vegan and you should all be nice and support me and send encouraging thoughts and yummy recipes and i'll let you know how it goes.
also, consider being part of meatless mondays. one day a week can really make a big difference. they said some statistic on the radio today and i don't remember what it was so i'm going to make one up that sounds about the same... if everyone in the US cut out meat and dairy one day a week for a year it would have the same impact as if we drove 90,000,000 less miles that year.
and one final note:
i suppose i'm fully back to being a californian because i'm doing things like saying 'i'm a vegan' now. how did this happen? because i know, i know... it seems very out of character if you've known me for at least a couple years. but here is what has been happening... I'M GETTING OLD. about a year ago i basically stopped being able to digest meat. mostly red meat but sometimes any meat. so i stopped eating most meat except things like chicken and bacon and some times i would be like SCREW IT I'M JUST GOING TO BE SICK and i would go to in n out and then spend the next three hours crying.
so this weekend i was driving up the 5 to san jose. and i saw what can only be described as a sea of cows.
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| this is what it looks like... for MILES |
and that lasted basically until my next meal when i kind of forgot that i had decided animals were gross.
anyway sunday i went out to dinner with dan and his girlfriend ling.
 |
| dan ate this fish (including it's eyeballs) but that's besides the point |
anyway, i was driving home from san jose today and i got tuned in to a local npr station and the lady told me all about how terrible factory farms are (which is what the cow sea was that i passed). the woman drew parallels between rape culture and factory farms and made some really great points that i would never have thought about. she really approached the subject from lots of different perspectives... like you should hate factory farms if any one of the following applies to you: 1. you like animals 2. you respect women 3. you like the environment 4. you care about small businesses. anyway, i thought it was really smart of her to not just play on one aspect of it but TO GET US ALL AT ONE TIME.
and the idea of cows being raped really just makes me sad and i don't want to be apart of that. and i know i'm treading into the land of extra crazy but seriously the idea of taking advantage of some poor animals reproduction really makes me sad in my heart. so eggs and milk are kind of creeping me out right now.
the moral of the story is, i'm going to try my hardest to be a vegan and you should all be nice and support me and send encouraging thoughts and yummy recipes and i'll let you know how it goes.
also, consider being part of meatless mondays. one day a week can really make a big difference. they said some statistic on the radio today and i don't remember what it was so i'm going to make one up that sounds about the same... if everyone in the US cut out meat and dairy one day a week for a year it would have the same impact as if we drove 90,000,000 less miles that year.
and one final note:
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| "i know, like 5 chickens had to die for her to look that stupid." |
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
work, work, work
i went running tonight for the first time in like forever. i'm pretty sure the last time i went was over the summer. i was surprised how far i was able to go before the chest exploding began. i guess the gym-ing is paying off. or maybe the bike riding. i really do love running while i'm doing it. it reminds me how freaking awesome my body is. i'm pretty sure my body is made up of 80% legs. 80% legs and 20% boobs. yes, that seems about right.
a few weeks ago i hit my one year mark with disneyland. it's been an interesting year with lots of learning and changes and good times. my plan for the next year is to continue to work at the jungle and to go back to school for massage, finally. and generally, just to enjoy living life.
here is a list of the best dating advice i've gotten lately:
* say yes a lot
* don't be weird, you weirdo
* just be the strong, confident, black woman i know you are
needless to say, dating has been awesome. (i think maybe my friends want me to be single forever...or maybe i just have zero clue about how dating works)
i went to idaho a few weeks back. there were potatoes. and we went geocaching and mostly found dead bees. and it snowed... TWICE. kurg gave us a tour of some green houses.
i go back to virginia for a visit in one month. BE JEALOUS!
and lastly, listen to this and dance, y'all!
a few weeks ago i hit my one year mark with disneyland. it's been an interesting year with lots of learning and changes and good times. my plan for the next year is to continue to work at the jungle and to go back to school for massage, finally. and generally, just to enjoy living life.
here is a list of the best dating advice i've gotten lately:
* say yes a lot
* don't be weird, you weirdo
* just be the strong, confident, black woman i know you are
needless to say, dating has been awesome. (i think maybe my friends want me to be single forever...or maybe i just have zero clue about how dating works)
i went to idaho a few weeks back. there were potatoes. and we went geocaching and mostly found dead bees. and it snowed... TWICE. kurg gave us a tour of some green houses.
 |
| a potato picture... because "pictures or you're no better than ginny weasley" |
and lastly, listen to this and dance, y'all!
Friday, March 22, 2013
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
hufflepump up the jams!
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| so duh! |
anyway, wow it's been a long time. i only think of things to write when i'm alone in the car and that's the worst time to start writing things down on the internet.
"the weather is here, wish you were beautiful" just came on my pandora. forget you, jimmy buffett!
'ok, so what's been going on?' you might be asking yourself. i'll tell ya all about it.
my birthday happened.
i started cutting my own hair.
i joined a lady gym.
i bought my roller derby gear.
i'm 29 now everybody! how crazy is that? not as crazy as the fact that i will be 30 next year. exciting times. i did birthday celebrations in yosemite and also disneyland.
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| birthday cake in yosemite. kristin and i have the same birthday. and the same job. |
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| disneyland. i didn't want to wear a button so i had to wear a lot of them. also my sister edited this picture and she loves me with hearts. |
i joined curves b/c i'm trying not to die at the roller derby. curves is ladies only... so i don't know how i got in. HAHAHA. because i'm a woman but not a lady, get it? jokes! but seriously, it's no boys allowed but i don't really care about that. because dudes can pay money to look at my bum at the gym or they can wait outside and do it for free. not that i'm letting them look at my bum for free. uhhhmm, why is this awkward all of the sudden? what i'm saying is, i don't care about the dudes being there or not being there. what i like about curves is that it is circuit training so i know what i'm in for and i know how long it will take and i can give myself a high five when it's all done. this week i lost 3 pounds but i don't really care about that either. what i care about is that my calves are like BAM WE'RE HERE FOR LIFE. i've been doing a lot of bike riding and leg workouts. anyway my calves are ready for action.
i bought my derby gear. derby gear consists of quad skates and a million pounds of pads, for which i am very grateful. i'm also super in love with my helmet. and my mouth guard. and the fact that i get to wear ridiculous socks. that's like a thing for derby times.
i don't have a derby name yet and i'm open to suggestions. i'm thinking about helga hufflepummel. mostly because i bought some yellow and black socks. and also i'm a hufflepuff. and when i fall down i will just be like 'welp, i'm a hufflepuff!'
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
the self esteem angel
so things have been busy. because i work at an amusement park and no one works in december except amusement park workers. or at least it feels like that.
i'm now going to share a story about my bum. if you don't want to hear about it, then go away. (have i mentioned that i'm super tired and grumpy from the amount of people i had to talk to over the last month?)
so this past weekend i was in san diego visiting my friend asia. quick shout out to asia... she's hilarious and fun and basically the best ever. anyway, we were walking back to the car from dinner and a man comes up from behind me and says... wait, before i tell you what he said i would just like to say that he said it very matter of fact and not creepy at all. so read it not creepy in your mind.
"girl, what are you doing in san diego? you have a tiny waist... and hips. you should be in chicago... guys would eat that up. you've got a bgb. black girl booty."
and i was like just like oh, thank you and he walked off. now normally when this happens to me (more on that later) it's like a super creepy weirdo. but this guy was attractive and well dressed and probably in his mid to late 30s. i'm fairly certain that he was a self esteem angel. those exist, right?
i needed a self esteem angel b/c... the other day i was at work and the pants i was wearing were significantly tighter than i normally would wear (b/c it's impossible to find clothes that fit at disneyland. they're either absurdly big or bone crushingly tight. it's kind of terrible). anyway, in my mind, i was like 'so-and-so coworker keeps looking at my bum... i'm fairly certain he is looking at my bum.' and i don't normally get that impression, like i don't catch on to that stuff and i'd never noticed this particular person doing that before. but i had never had to wear pants that were quite that tight. and it just kind of occurred to me out of the blue that this was happening. anyway, eventually i told myself 'no elaina, you're being crazy and you're wishful thinking yourself into believing that this dude is staring at your bum all day... stop being crazy and thinking everyone wants to look at your bum.' and then the self esteem angel came by and was like NO, WE ARE ALL STARING AT YOUR BUM.
and now i would like to know, how often does everyone else in the world get approached by strangers on the street to talk to them about their bum... or other parts? i have never been walking with a person and had it happen to them but it happens to me every few months. is this something that happens to everyone? or do i just have a face that says 'talk to me about my bum'?
finally, my 2013 goals...
1. shake hands with a monkey
2. only eat pudding for one day
3. zip line
4. learn to tap dance
5. make money being a mime
6. high five 100 people in one day
7. do a hand stand
8. go to a fancy dinner by myself
9. go camping and make s'mores
10. throw a drink in someone's face
11. pet a dolphin
12. get a boyfriend
13. ride my bike to the beach
and now it is sleeping time b/c i have to be up early. GROSS.
i'm now going to share a story about my bum. if you don't want to hear about it, then go away. (have i mentioned that i'm super tired and grumpy from the amount of people i had to talk to over the last month?)
so this past weekend i was in san diego visiting my friend asia. quick shout out to asia... she's hilarious and fun and basically the best ever. anyway, we were walking back to the car from dinner and a man comes up from behind me and says... wait, before i tell you what he said i would just like to say that he said it very matter of fact and not creepy at all. so read it not creepy in your mind.
"girl, what are you doing in san diego? you have a tiny waist... and hips. you should be in chicago... guys would eat that up. you've got a bgb. black girl booty."
and i was like just like oh, thank you and he walked off. now normally when this happens to me (more on that later) it's like a super creepy weirdo. but this guy was attractive and well dressed and probably in his mid to late 30s. i'm fairly certain that he was a self esteem angel. those exist, right?
i needed a self esteem angel b/c... the other day i was at work and the pants i was wearing were significantly tighter than i normally would wear (b/c it's impossible to find clothes that fit at disneyland. they're either absurdly big or bone crushingly tight. it's kind of terrible). anyway, in my mind, i was like 'so-and-so coworker keeps looking at my bum... i'm fairly certain he is looking at my bum.' and i don't normally get that impression, like i don't catch on to that stuff and i'd never noticed this particular person doing that before. but i had never had to wear pants that were quite that tight. and it just kind of occurred to me out of the blue that this was happening. anyway, eventually i told myself 'no elaina, you're being crazy and you're wishful thinking yourself into believing that this dude is staring at your bum all day... stop being crazy and thinking everyone wants to look at your bum.' and then the self esteem angel came by and was like NO, WE ARE ALL STARING AT YOUR BUM.
and now i would like to know, how often does everyone else in the world get approached by strangers on the street to talk to them about their bum... or other parts? i have never been walking with a person and had it happen to them but it happens to me every few months. is this something that happens to everyone? or do i just have a face that says 'talk to me about my bum'?
finally, my 2013 goals...
1. shake hands with a monkey
2. only eat pudding for one day
3. zip line
4. learn to tap dance
5. make money being a mime
6. high five 100 people in one day
7. do a hand stand
8. go to a fancy dinner by myself
9. go camping and make s'mores
10. throw a drink in someone's face
11. pet a dolphin
12. get a boyfriend
13. ride my bike to the beach
and now it is sleeping time b/c i have to be up early. GROSS.
Monday, December 31, 2012
Friday, December 7, 2012
fallon for you
i was just thinking... it's probably not possible for a man to be more attractive than jimmy fallon. he is so dreamy. hey jimmy, raise your hand if you think i'm adorable too!
that is all.
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| i knew he thought so |
Saturday, December 1, 2012
kids!
a few weeks back my sister was visiting with her family. she has a son (james, 4 years old) and a daughter (caroline, 1 year old). one afternoon caroline and i were hanging out. she was walking through the living room and i had started an episode of the mindy project. so she's walking through the room and the opening credits start to play...
she stops half way through what she was doing, baby bounce danced in place while the song was playing and when the song ended she continued across the room. it was just about the funniest thing i have ever seen.
it made me wish that people took opportunities to enjoy the moment like that more often. you hear some funky music, you dance, end of story.
and now a story about james b/c this is seriously cracking me up for days. i'm just going to share the exact message i got when i first saw this picture. hope you don't mind, michael! anyway, here it is:
she stops half way through what she was doing, baby bounce danced in place while the song was playing and when the song ended she continued across the room. it was just about the funniest thing i have ever seen.
it made me wish that people took opportunities to enjoy the moment like that more often. you hear some funky music, you dance, end of story.
and now a story about james b/c this is seriously cracking me up for days. i'm just going to share the exact message i got when i first saw this picture. hope you don't mind, michael! anyway, here it is:
James smuggling potatoes.
that's from when i visited idaho and kurg gave us a tour of the farm. and that's my nephew creepin' on the picture and trying to sneak out potatoes. ps, i totally think he looks like marty mcfly in that outfit, right?
anyway, whenever i think about this picture i start laughing. priceless.
that's from when i visited idaho and kurg gave us a tour of the farm. and that's my nephew creepin' on the picture and trying to sneak out potatoes. ps, i totally think he looks like marty mcfly in that outfit, right?
Thursday, November 29, 2012
dream a little dream
i've been having the weirdest mash up dreams lately. odd combinations of people and places that don't belong together doing things they aren't supposed to be doing. the mash up dreams are always weird b/c they involve a lot of people and places morphing. like half way through a scene my brain will be like 'hold on, this isn't right...' and then the location changes or one of the people becomes someone else. but this only makes everything more mixed up and weird.
tuesday night's dream started with me working at dave & buster's and ended with one of the trainers from disneyland teaching me the names of toy monkeys.
last night involved a house with a series of rooms and when you opened the door on the other side of the room it led to a progressively smaller room but eventually that became no fun so they started leading to awesome rooms ending with a hot tub that looked like a natural spring and a water park style slide into a pool. meanwhile, my sidekick was every tall male with brown hair i have ever known.
i got my bike yesterday! i also got a flat tire. and not the kind where someone steps on the back of your shoe. that wouldn't have been so bad. my car got a flat on the way to pick up the bike. life likes to keep things interesting, for sure.
there it is! totally adorable bike. it has a light on the back for night riding and a caddy thing over the back wheel for holding my stuff. what stuff, i'm not exactly sure but i'll figure it out eventually.
tuesday night's dream started with me working at dave & buster's and ended with one of the trainers from disneyland teaching me the names of toy monkeys.
last night involved a house with a series of rooms and when you opened the door on the other side of the room it led to a progressively smaller room but eventually that became no fun so they started leading to awesome rooms ending with a hot tub that looked like a natural spring and a water park style slide into a pool. meanwhile, my sidekick was every tall male with brown hair i have ever known.
i got my bike yesterday! i also got a flat tire. and not the kind where someone steps on the back of your shoe. that wouldn't have been so bad. my car got a flat on the way to pick up the bike. life likes to keep things interesting, for sure.
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